Black Love is Dead Because Free Will Exists

By: H.T., H.T.’s Blog

The hotep says we need patriarchy, the feminist says we need polyamory or a community not run by straight black men, the church says we need Jesus to tell us when to fuck, & the school gives us condoms and knowledge. In the end, it looks like there isn’t a concise idea of what will be the fate of what is black love or at least the idea of what it will look like. But I think it’s time someone said a very inconsistent truth: as a community, there’s no PEACEFUL way to get us all on one page about what our protocols are as frankly the fact is the black community as a whole doesn’t exist in one unified life.

We’re not all poor, we’re not all rich, we all didn’t grow up educated, we all didn’t grow up ignorant, we all didn’t grow up in the hood, we all didn’t grow up in the suburbs, but some of us did and some of us didn’t. The greatest myth about the concept of our community is that black people who grow up outside of poverty, low education and the hood aren’t really black but the reality is that as long as no one acts like their better than the other, I think we can all be black together.

But this goes to the greater point at hand: there is a divide about what people want in the black community. The divide works like this: most of the millennials and boomers and a few forward thinking gen-xers think society would be better if we all figured out if we really wanted to be husbands and wives, and if we don’t figure out how to live our lives without doing harm. Meanwhile, the boomers, gen-xers that were always sticks in the mud because they worshipped the boomers, and basically every millennial that can’t get laid thinks the black community would better if we went back to the days of our grand pappy and big momma and raised families where they had 9 kids and stood as the heads of great families. The problem with the latter endgame is that it doesn’t account for reality.

See, I was raised in a family where a woman had 9 kids. It was my great grandmother, Ruth Irene McCoy. To her, I was special because I was the first great-grandchild she had from her first grandchild, my mother, but I also noticed that my great-grandmother wouldn’t fit into the typical patriarchal standards of a lot of the men of her generation. Sure she had 9 kids, but last I checked, my grandmother, one of her older children, didn’t have the same father as any of her siblings. In fact, some of my great-aunts and uncles don’t have the same last name as each other due to this. But I love them, their children and their children’s children all the same. But that’s the thing, I don’t blame my great-grandmother for not “picking better men”. From what I’ve gathered, my great-grandmother was a woman that simply didn’t have an easy time navigating a world of shitty people, namely shitty men. Hell, she even disclosed to me that at one point she had been raped.

Now again, I’m not saying women don’t make bad decisions, but I bring up my great-grandmother because I feel like on some level, the hard life she lived as she raised the elder living members of my family wasn’t a matter of stupidity or naiveté, it’s that we as a culture still try VERY hard to form our community into the model minority narrative as the belief is that if the black community made ourselves into pseudo respectable wanna be white people, racism would go away. But that assumes that all racism is rational and that you can reason with someone who hates you just because you are something you can’t change nor picked. In short, black men who think that by implementing some sort of culture wide patriarchal hierarchy, we will be saved from what is essentially white racists being openly hateful.

But then there’s the argument that always pops up: well, if we get rid of all these single mothers, maybe there won’t be all this “toxic masculinity”. This belief that the great moral failing of the black community is because it’s women don’t set an unmoving barometer of what is tolerated and thus men do whatever gets them laid. And yes, I’m guilty of making this argument too. But here’s the thing: I can’t fully judge women for picking bad boys because I can’t help going for bad girls, so I kind of get it. See, I usually find myself fucking women like this:

And women often fantasize over men like this:

So on a certain level, I can somewhat understand what draws people in our community to the literal worst people we can find. Doesn’t mean we should have kids with them or marry them, but I get the draw.

It’s not alpha males or breedable hips or any bullshit like that, it’s that frankly a lot of times what is practical doesn’t make you horny. And what makes you horny isn’t always good for you in the long run. Trust me I know. But the argument often in our community is that black women should bite the bullet and take all the eligible bachelors in our community. I mean, so many black women keep fucking white guys that aren’t Adonises, why can’t they take pity on a few black men like them?

There are two types of attraction, primary and secondary. Primary is more physically of what is there, while secondary is built off emotional connections. If I had to nail down why some black women don’t feel either for black men, it’s that some of us, yes, me too, are not the best looking men walking around, so that covers primary. The reason many black women start getting with white men isn’t always hypergamy, it’s that many black men, even the ugly ones have kind of a shitty disposition that makes loving them kind of hard. Honestly, I’ve met plenty black women that married white men and the main theme I gather from all of them is that all the black men they dealt with were, well, shitty. And honestly, picking better men is not as easy at it sounds. I’ve been the man who waited hopelessly for a woman to stop fucking with a shitty guy and love me, but I also realize that I’m a very flawed man. I’m paranoid, insecure, overly perverted and that’s just the shit my therapist tells me when I come in to our sessions sober. For many other black men, we are not perfect people and what makes us lack even more appeal is that we not only refuse to observe it, but that we treat our very TOXIC flaws as badges of honor. The reason the discussion of toxic masculinity is so big amongst us now is that we’ve reached a critical mass in what we can’t let slide anymore. The simple dark truth is that the reason so many women started to fight back is that one day, a few women asked a room of other women who had never been assaulted, drugged raped or hit by a man and less and less women raised their hands. I’m not saying black men are super predators, but I am saying we have many bad pieces of logic that makes us seem like bad guys.

The black community cannot implement patriarchy because deep down, I think the men know that they aren’t going to get all the women they want. Every hotep imagines a beautiful world where they have many wives, droves of children and his every need is met. But this can’t be life anymore, not when many people grow up knowing the reality of this life. For every man who gets a harem, 3 women start to live lives like Tina Turner in What’s Love Got To Do With It. Fact is, there are women that would be into such a life, but we can’t narrow everyone down to being the next matriarch and patriarch when the reality is we all don’t want that. I have to be honest, I’m still not even sure I want kids so much as I feel I think that’s what I’ve been told I should want down the road.

I want a better career and financial stability, but I’ve reached a point where I’m not sure I want love. Not out of bitterness, but questioning why the desire is there. For me and many people my age, using the guilt of the duty to genetics doesn’t hold as much water when you account that children are a huge expense and that worse off, a lot if not all the people who want children are by and large shitty people in some way. What, you thought it was JUST women wanting to be hoes? No, it’s the fact that a lot of men of means are just shitty people in general and frankly expecting an entire generation of women to just settle says many things, but above all it shows hypocrisy; I hate hypergamy when it doesn’t benefit me. This being said, this I think is the core of why so many newer generations of men are not going back to the ways of our grandparents.

See, we COULD go back, but if you notice, the only people for it are either men that would greatly benefit from another generation of emotionally damaged and fragile women and the loss of said women’s happiness, or women that frankly have of a bit of hate for other women. These are just facts. A world like the 50s looks like a well oiled machine for a society to build off of, but it is a very inflexible one and cannot adapt to change. I know changes aren’t permanent, but change is so…

Black love as we’ve always known it can’t live as it were because you can’t convince a generation of women who’ve been told they could be dozens upon dozens of great things then tell them they have to settle on the shithead with money to keep society going. Maybe society isn’t meant to survive if it requires the perpetual suffering of a small few people. Maybe that’s why we have men being called trash on the light end and men getting robbed on the practical end. Because as far as men today are cut out, we aren’t built for a generation of free women and that’s why there’s so much conflict. Fact is, the modern black man can’t complain that black women don’t want us when we don’t even live in the same decade. Black women are living for 2020 while many of us are very well stuck in 1954! By all accounts, I hope black women leave us the fuck behind and force most of us to get our shit together. In hindsight, most of the worst issues I’ve had with black people has never really been black women, it’s been black men telling me that because I can’t meet certain things with them, I’ve failed in their eyes. Frankly, if anything women are fair enough to be plain with me. I just was dumb to demand a particular answer, even when it wasn’t even close to theirs. I hope the concept of black love dies in a fire, I hope all you niggas wife up your polar bears and she has her loving families with her white baes and we all say fuck each other, particularly black women to men. I’ve lost patience with you niggas and I hope none of us get sex from black women ever again.

Spero autem et timoribus filii tui facti sunt raptu mulierum