If Not Terry Crews, Then Who?

By: H.T., H.T.’s Blog

For as much as the woke delegation has decided that Terry is no longer considered woke because he said children need a strong father figure, I think it’s time someone asked a serious question: if men like Terry are not going to be the ones to possibly lead the charge for a generation of less toxic men, then is it fair to assume that the endgame has never been to fix the serious problems with black men? Seriously, Terry Crews and men like him were the best opportunity that the woke delegation had at putting a straight black male in front of us and showing that men could still be masculine but not be shitty to black women, but alas that hasn’t happened. Instead, what we’ve gotten is quite honestly a giant race to the bottom to shit on straight black men in what at least appears like the biggest voices against black men’s fuckery doesn’t seem to exist to teach men to be better, not even necessarily in the capacity of not being shitty to black women. Instead, it honestly feels like the end game is to literally create a sort of caste system within the black community as far as outside sources see things.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that black men have aspects of our collective mindset that are honestly not helpful, but if we ever wanted those things phased out, we needed people like Crews, strong successful men who command authority. I’m sorry, but the woke collective can’t ever really hope to get people on their side just off guilt or pressure because after a while, people will just resign to their fate as being not being considered woke if it means peace for themselves, trust me I know. If I’ve learned anything from Gil, it’s that being called ashy only has so much length in one’s life if very little of how your actual life functions is tied to social media. I’ve seen the man called problematic every which way and really nothing upends his life the way mine was when I had my fallout with woke people in black independent media.

From my perspective, all I see are his biggest detractors being people that frankly seem to only exist to talk about how certain privileged groups have it better, but never really talk about the huge issue of class divide. Hell, even the issue of the wage gap still exists even though it’s been debunked over and over again.

The frustration with the ousting of Crews is that it feels like this generation doesn’t want to actually make better men, but rather just find a new angle by which to blame them, particularly straight black men for the break down of the black community. I am a fair man, and I do not blame just black women or men for why the black community has been in flux for decades. I blame many factors, but you can’t blame men being toxic without also admitting that part of this didn’t get helped when many black women made careers off further making us all out to be shitty. The one thing many black women that exist in liberal spaces fail to understand is that in the end, by making every heterosexual black man out to be Mike Tyson in his prime, the only males left in their ranks tend to be the scrappy yet highly complicit for clout. Nothing gets better, nothing is fixed, and in ways things get worse. Honestly, it stands to reason that there is a bit of a bias with straight black men’s treatment in the social media discourse as opposed to white men. Maybe it’s the fact that the average white man that prominent black feminists or just prominent black woman figures cozy up to are leagues worse than most black men, but it must also be acknowledged that these white men also have more money and for whatever desires said women MAY want, these men stand more to help them. I am not saying that black feminists are opportunistic banshees that sacrifice back men for the opportunity to be rich and famous, but I am saying it certainly looks that way.

See, going back to Crews, there ARE black men who want better for black women, there ARE black men that call out all the men that prey on ALL women, but these men are ignored or mocked because not enough was done to prevent a much bigger catastrophe that we get blamed for. To this day, black men get blamed for Donald Trump being President even though it’s known, even by them, that more white WOMEN voted for him than black men ever did. If they’re going to bring up those preachers, well I ask, what did you want us to do, execute the men? Because frankly most of us black men turned on those guys too. This idea that we loved Trump because misogyny doesn’t really apply to ALL of us. The potential net loss for backing a man like Trump far outweighs “fuck them black bitches” please believe me on this.

And that goes to why so many more black men are willing to understand that black women are in danger from other men, but not willing to grovel and flagellate themselves to prove fidelity. It’s not even simply a matter of pride, it’s that this doesn’t actually SOLVE THE PROBLEM as much as simply not being a piece of shit does. When men discuss things like women, sex, sports, politics or whatever at a barbershop, there is never a solid opinion amongst the entire room, and men like Terry Crews do exist in the real world and are needed for balance. But if the complaint is that there aren’t more men trying to turn barbershop discussions into an episode of The Grapevine, then I hate to say it, but you’re not going to get the desired amount of progress in a reasonable timeframe. It’s not impossible, but this idea that men need to be saboteurs for black feminists and force change amongst predominantly black male circles is pointless because it doesn’t actually make the bad ideas stop being in style so much as they’re made the new cool form of rebellion for shit heads.

As much as it’s mansplaining to say it, men can be better but the answer shouldn’t be turning men into what can only be described as a very half baked, neutered, and ineffective man. Frankly, when men like Terry Crews gets canceled and we get called to be better men than even him, I hate to say it, but this is all we see as our future.

Like I said, I’m a fair man, and I think black women are beautiful.

BUT, one cannot honestly expect men to get behind the idea that black children shouldn’t be raised with strong male role models. Maybe in whatever weird afrocentric conclave the women and gay men that shat on him things work that well, but seriously, if you want to see what homes of children without a strong male influence looks like, look around at many black communities where this is the norm. I don’t blame black women for “not picking better men” when all the good men either are non-existent or just black men who realized they couldn’t hack it as a fuck boy, and yes, there are men who still aren’t cut out to be fuck boys but are still lazy, entitled, possessive, paranoid and abusive in other ways. Just because a man might not cheat on you or hit you doesn’t mean he still won’t do shit like stalk you or control you with money or be shitty to you in front of your children. And again, these kinds of men are usually forged when there are no men around to teach them to not be shitty and enforce it with male authority.

Black men have a unique struggle and to say that it isn’t valid because black women have it worse in ways confounds me. We all struggle, but to say men should ignore our own well-being to make a better world for black women sounds ignorant to say the least. We can make a better community, but it can’t be solved with men who can’t function. When we talk about toxic masculinity, it often feels like a lot of the talking heads that rail against black men almost sound like we could solve all our issues if we’d pull up our pants and castrate our pride before women. Men don’t need to lead all the time, but we need men who are at least capable of keeping up. A race of men and women that are empowered IS necessary, but it feels like the empowerment of black women comes at the breakdown of black men. What’s more, men can’t talk about our issues in good faith in public without there being a female voice coming in to tell us how our behaviors affect them. Not to say women shouldn’t be considered, but there are some things you can’t passive aggressive out of us on the whole. Men DO need to be better, but a lot of women fail to understand how many men will die on a problematic hill because conforming is too much of a shock to them. Doesn’t make it right, but know that there are men who just won’t change regardless of pressure.

So again, for the last time, if men telling men that we need to come together and have a dialogue about how we treat each other, women and children, if a man saying men need to be better fathers is not good enough, then what is the endgame? Because if it’s just perpetual war of the sexes, with predominantly straight black male spaces being treated like Roman era Gaul, then I can only conclude that there is no real hope in coming to peace. And that hurts. It hurts that in the end, there really are more people, black men and women that exist to paint boogeymen than actively deal with the clear dangers. But hey, the fuck do I know? Everyone still thinks I hate black women anyways.