Single Mothers & Rogue Sons

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I don’t know what it is about single mothers with teenage sons who think that they actually run their household.  Let me explain what I mean real quick.

I’m at my in-laws for Thanksgiving stuffing my face like a champion.  The day after Thanksgiving the wife, the kids and I went back to my mother in-law’s house for round two of stuffing our faces like some champions.  While we’re over there getting our grub on, this woman comes over to the house that I believe is either a family friend or some type of cousin.  I’m not sure what the relation is because when she came in, I was digging all in the banana pudding.  After I finish off the banana pudding I make my way towards the living room where everybody is chilling for the most part watching a movie and having small talk.  This lady all of a sudden starts talking about her 14 year old son and how she’s struggling to get control of him.  She’s going on and on about how he runs around claiming to be a crip, he’s smoking weed, he’s accused of stealing, he’s out there picking on other kids…basically, this kid is just wildin’ the fuck out according to her.  After she finishes telling us about all of the mischievous things he’s involved in, she then proceeds to say “But this is my house and he ain’t gonna run all over me.  All I have to do is get my belt or my stick and tell his ass he better get right and guess what, he gets right!”  So she’s sitting here trying her best to make it seem like she’s this superwoman who runs her household with an iron fist, everybody listening to this for the most part is replying back to her with some “Uh huh…I know that’s right.  You betta tell him who the boss is!”  I’m sitting here listening to this forcing myself to keep my mouth shut because despite me not knowing her, I know for a fact that everything she is saying is a complete lie.  A COMPLETE LIE.  I wanted to call her out on her bs so bad but, it was Black Friday and people were still in a somewhat festive mood, so I didn’t.  But everything she said was a complete lie and I’ll tell you why.

For all of you women out there raising these little boys thinking that life is sweet and you don’t need a man around to ensure that some positive male energy is in constant circulation within your household so that your little boy can have a male role model to look up to, once that little boy of yours starts entering puberty, you are more than likely going to be in for a very rude awakening.  This rude awakening is going to come in the form of realizing that your sweet precious 14 or 15 year old son is no longer a boy and can quite possibly physically dominate you at that age to where you are going to be wishing you had a grown man in your life and his life to tame him.

To get back to this woman who was just flat lying, never once did she mention if she had a husband nor did she ever make mention of the boy’s father.  However, she did make mention of her boyfriend (which means she doesn’t have a husband of course) and she stated that her boyfriend worked at the local jailhouse.  I’m not sure if she lives with the boyfriend or not, but when she did mention him in relation to her out of control teenage son, she stated that her boyfriend told her son that if he keeps going about the way he’s going he’s going to end up in jail with the people he sees at work on a daily basis.  So that statement lead me to believe that either, this woman doesn’t live with the boyfriend to where the boyfriend has any real influence on her out of control teenage son or the boyfriend came later in life to where the boyfriend probably realizes that at this point there isn’t anything he can do to steer this kid in the right direction other than to tell him about the possibility of getting locked up.  That brings me to another statement this woman made, she was talking about looking into some military schools to enroll her son into in order to get him straight and then she also inquired about whether or not the local county or had a scared straight program that she could put her son into like the ones you see on tv.  The problem with at least this scared straight program is that everybody has seen those tv shows and everybody knows that these convicts don’t do anything but yell at the kids then the kids go home.  I don’t know the complete backstory to this woman and whether or not the kid’s dad is in his life, but it sounds like he’s not.  All I know is, this “I’M MAMA AND YOU GONNA RESPECT ME!” foolishness she’s spouting in order to drum up some sympathy wasn’t working on me.  This woman has absolutely no control over her son at all.  None.  If she honestly thinks she’s going to man handle a 14 or 15 year old boy, she has a big surprise possibly coming her way.

I have no idea what her son looks like but I can recall when I was 14 and 15, I was just as tall as my mother and I was more than likely physically stronger than her.  Granted, I never had to prove to my mother I was physically stronger than her, but more than likely I was because a few years earlier when she tried to give me a whooping I damn near laughed in her face because her licks didn’t hurt anymore.  I’m saying this because more than likely at the age of 14 or 15 I was fully capable of physically dominating my mother, so I’m going to assume that this woman’s 14/15 year son can more than likely physically dominate her which is why her story about about breaking out sticks and belts to keep this kid in line is nothing but bullshit.  Reflecting back on listening to this insanity this woman was talking I should have said something and called her out.  🙃  

Here’s the thing ladies, all of you single mothers raising little boys by yourself because you either chose the wrong nigga to get pregnant by or you think you can do this all by yourself, that’s all cute and all (not really) when the kid is in elementary school, but once puberty hits and if you haven’t found a positive male role model for this kid, there’s a high possibility you’re world is going to be rocked when this kid comes home one day and disrespects you to your face and you then try to correct him and then he displays to you why he was born a male and you were born a woman by demonstrating to you that when it comes to physical dominance in that household, you no longer win in that category.  I’m not saying that your son is going to beat you up or do anything crazy to you.  I’m just telling you that the absence of a positive male role model early in a little boy’s life can have possible severe consequences and it will come a point where you as his mother will not be able to control this boy anymore.  It’s imperative that you find a positive male role model early in a boy’s life and not later because let’s just say you start dating Earl from around the way who works at the Home Depot.  You introduce Earl to your 12, 13, 14, 15 year old son; a son that hasn’t had any significant male role models in life.  You honestly think Earl is going to come in and provide this boy with some positive male energy?  Hell no.  And guess what, even Earl knows this.  Basically, once a boy starts going through puberty, if a positive male role model hasn’t successfully captured this boy’s mind and heart at an early age to where this positive male role model can exert genuine influence over this boy, once that boy turns about 10 years old, your son is potentially a lost cause at the age to where there’s a high possibility of him turning into what Sarge WP likes to call a rogue male.  I’m not saying this is the case for every kid because for some reason black folks love to invoke the phrase “NOT ALL KIDS!”  But looking at the utter complete disarray of black society these days and the endless supply of rogue males roaming the streets participating in Pookie and Ray Ray shit whom way too many of them came up out of a single mother household, well, if a positive male role model (regardless of if this man is the kid’s father or not…preferably the kid’s father) doesn’t successfully capture this young boy’s mind and heart at an early age, then the chances of that boy turning into the next rogue male drastically increases to where this once cute adorable little boy that momma loved to dress in the flyest gear so that grown women could swoon all over him as if this boy was a fashion accessory that matched this mother’s purse and outfit, well this same cute cuddly little boy stands a high probability of having his mother sitting on some other woman’s couch lying about how she has her rogue teenage son under control as she’s telling this story in the presence of a grown ass man who knows better and knows that this mother is full of shit.

At this point in the game I’m not interested in telling women to make better choices with their lives in terms of choosing mates to procreate with.  All I’m going to say is, stop being delusional if you are a woman raising a boy by yourself and you think you don’t need the presence of a man in your life to help raise that boy as if you honestly believe you will be able to control this boy while he lives up under your roof till he moves out.

I just wanted to share that with you all because I just found it rather amusing forcing myself to remain silent in the presence of a woman who was blatantly lying about her ability to physically control her teenage son.  I think black women just need to be honest about situations like this.  Just be honest and tell people you need help and you are clueless on what to do because you fucked up somehow someway in allowing for this boy to be raised without a positive male role model in his life to where your son is out here cripping, smoking weed and doing all kinds of Pookie and Ray Ray shit and you can’t stop him even if you wanted to.  Just be honest ladies.