Why Black Men & Women Don’t Find Each Other Attractive & How to Fix It

By:  H.T., Website:  Rogue Black Nerd

I love black women.  I think they’re beautiful, intelligent, loving, nurturing women that throughout the history of the world have done great things for black people and humanity as a whole.  However, there’s something I wish you black women would understand about black men in relation to the often contentious issue of interracial dating.  When black women complain that there are no good black men left or that black men reject them for white women, I think something needs to get called out just a bit.

Yes, black women do on a regular basis on social media catch shit for reasons that are either trumped up charges or are legitimately invalidated reasons for feeling hurt.  I see it with black women that I know and don’t know, so I can’t say it’s not on some level valid.  That all being said, one must acknowledge the fact that while I can’t speak to all of the issues that plague black women that are in relation to black men, I think one could argue that there’s a conflict in feeling sorry for black women on just this issue.

Black men don’t feel sorry because you complain that black men don’t tell you all that you’re beautiful because you don’t look like this:

Nevermind that most of the men praising her look like this:

Meanwhile the black men who love black women who look like this:

Tend to look like this:

We get rendered a silent majority, and thanks to the media it’s assumed we, black men, all want this:

Which we don’t.  At the same time, for all that black women claim we don’t want in them (dark skinned, kinky haired, and heavy set), it does often feel like (for black men) we don’t get love from MOST black women unless we look something like this:

This is where the conflict comes in.  Whenever you see complaints on social media about black men dating white women, it’s never really about black men like this:

But it’s always about this:

The problem is that for as much as were expected to praise this (which is perfectly fine, mind you):

We still have to hear complaints about how black women don’t get love because darker skinned black women aren’t praised as much as say, a somewhat fair-skinned black woman pop star or even white women.  Never mind that most of the guys deciding the global beauty standards tend to look like this:

So how do we solve this conflict?  I think the first step is that simultaneously men need to admit that our beauty standards on black women can at times be a bit fucked up.  At the same time, black women should be willing to admit that their beauty standards for black men are a bit fucked up too along with the bit of jealousy they possess towards white women.  Yes, it’s frustrating to realize that the white women that tend to be praised as the beauty standards of the world tend to all somewhat look the same, meanwhile you or I could go into any black neighborhood and find women that are naturally better looking than the same white women put on all of the same magazines all of the time.  At the same time, if we are going to call out the unfair praise white women get for looking average at best and getting the world handed to them, it’s only fair men should be heard out because we’re expected to look like this and it isn’t fair:

When the reality is that most of us (black men) look like this:

Which isn’t bad really and would be just as unfair to reject a black woman who looks like this:

The point being that at our base point, neither of us are unattractive really as black people.  It’s just that we don’t like to admit that both black men and black women buy into a hyper-sexualized image of ourselves and because of this, we find less beauty in each other and focus more on our faults.  If you don’t want to date black men or women, fine.  But please don’t sit here and pretend that black people of the opposite gender don’t find you attractive simply because your physical ideal isn’t trying to fuck you.  Seriously people, let’s at least try to work together.  Shit’s getting wild out here.