Why Do Black Men Like Donald Glover Tend to Date Outside Their Race?

By:  H.T., Website:  Rogue Black Nerd

As someone who’s been a Childish Gambino fan since he first started putting out mixtapes, on a certain level I can say I grew a bit with him over the years as both he, his music and his career evolved in look and tone.  But recently, he’s both been lauded and hated for his recent video and the fact that the mother of his children is a mixed race woman who he just went public with.  There have been endless discussions about whether or not a black man can still be considered pro-black while not being in a relationship with a black woman.

Let me start by saying the obvious:  yes, just because a black man is a nerd, it does not mean he can’t be as misogynistic or anti-black as so called “thugs” out here.  Speaking for myself and many of my compatriots, we have said many anti-black statements both about being black and about black women.  However this all being said, this goes to the issue at hand regarding the often tumultuous discussion of nerdy black men and our desirability as far as with black women.

I can understand not being someone’s ideal as far as a mate, but speaking from the perspective of a black nerd man, we find ourselves often given mixed messages by black people and society at large about what it means to be a desirable black man.  We find ourselves being told be yourself but also have swag, dress in a way that will impress women but still be ourselves, we’re told to pursue careers in lucrative fields but black women still want a guy with an edge.  Basically to sum it up:

The problem is that for nerdy black men it’s a weird dance to find what is both comfortable for us and what is attractive to black women.  Yes, nerdy black women have their own set of issues, I talk about it here.  But for blerd men, I think the reason so many of us tend to date white women isn’t necessarily because we hate black women, but rather that the leap to get a black woman these days is further than one assumes.

Let me frame it this way:  to white men, black women are a prize because honestly black women are beautiful, intelligent, nurturing and ambitious.  There are facts to prove this.

One of my good friends is a 30 something white guy who is currently in college to get a job in the state department.  As for his taste in women, he admits he’s very much attracted to black women, dark skin ones particularly.  His logic is, and I’m not making this up, “I don’t have a brown sugar fetish, I just never developed the white sugar fetish the rest of the world has.”

For black men like Donald Glover, I hate to say it, but white women are easier to get not because they’re better, but because as a black man, the legends of our sexual prowess or at least our physical endowment supersedes us.  And to be honest, of all the black men I’ve seen married to or dating white women, myself included, two things are a fact:  1) a lot of the black black men who tend to date white women aren’t always the most desirable guys by women’s opinions & 2) it’s not like said white women look better than most black women of the same tier of attractiveness.

Now this is not to say that SOME black women have clear as day faults that need work, but all that being said, the problem I think is that as far as the issues between black men who tend to date outside their race and black women, I think said issues are very minor but do need to be discussed.  Discussed because for as much as I can admit that I and many other black men have issues of hubris, anti-blackness, respectability politics, misogyny and just being an ass; there are SOME black women who have issues of ego, vanity, greed, light misandry and giving mixed messages.  As Donald Glover said in the above video, women say they want a man who can provide and take care of a family, but also talk about wanting a street dude who has an edge.  This is not to say that there are no street dudes who are successful, but for the average black man in a certain tax bracket, there really aren’t a lot of us still realistically acting like a thug.

Black men get with white women, yes at times because some of us have feelings of rejection and hurt from years of dealing with black women’s rejections.  But those are the few and far between.  The reality is that there are far more black men with white or non-black women of color because that’s where the road of life leads them.  I hear black women say, “Well when black women get successful, black men don’t check for us.”  No, the black men YOU wanted didn’t check for you.  All the black men checking for you were more Carlton Banks than Lexington Steele, so since they didn’t fit your desire, it’s pretty much the same as if no one said jack shit to you.

Men like Donald Glover get with white or non-black women because fact is that’s usually who’s left after all the sorting has been done mate-wise.  Yes, the issue of privilege is an issue, but as a black man looking for a mate to build a life with, I’m not sure said issue matters in the long run.  At the end of the day, our children will be black and will face racism either way.  When you really think about it, the issue of colorism only really happens mainly as an intraracial issue.  Ask Gil how many times white people gave him shit for being biracial vs black people.