Disassembling “Face It, Blerds are Better Off Dating Interracial”

By:  H.T., Website:  Rogue Black Nerd

I said it in the comments of the article.  I even wrote a full on apology.  None of you read it.  So, now it seems I’m forced to go into this article and explain piece by piece why I really wish people like Jeremy from Crown & Collards would stop bringing up something I wrote that even I don’t agree with any further.

“As far as dating goes, because clearly it’s the norm now to only date a guy for admittedly shallow reasons, blerd men are kinda dicked, as Asher put it, blerd men tend to be raised to have manners, decency and generally act right in the age of dirty niggas with no jobs smacking and pulling guns on chicks being the main ones getting text backs, the shit seems stacked.  But it isn’t even as simple as just THAT.”

See, I don’t agree with this but on somewhat problematic grounds.  If I could list why this happens, this is because Blerd men don’t have the best standards themselves.  Face it guys, if y’all stopped for a hot second and were willing to admit it, blerd men LOVE the wrong kind of women (for them anyway), thus why shitty dudes are your main competition.  Let’s keep it 100, blerd men will drop kick Ariell Johnson to get to Cardi B then wonder why she only dates dudes like Offset.

“The typical asked question to black nerds is, ‘Well why don’t you just date nerdy black women?’  Well, there’s a problem with that too.  See, first, even IF said blerd girl still dates black dudes, chances are she’s one of those weird hipsters that will very likely shit test you into submission by slowly but surely emasculating you.”

See, I can’t agree entirely with this as, again, this boils down to choice.  I’ve met plenty of blerd women that don’t fall under this.  Many of them are with black men.  So yeah, this was a gross generalization.  Still, it must be said that the reason I have such an issue with the “black men are trash” narrative is that in my opinion things seem more focused on telling black men how and why their trash and not enough about what we can do to actually be better.  Maybe I’m missing something.

“The fact is that a great deal of black nerd women don’t date black men.  The excuse they make is, ‘But black men never wanted me.’   No….all the black men YOU wanted didn’t want you.  Get it right.  Face it, I have NEVER seen a blerd girl who said black dudes didn’t talk to her that either:   A) lived in an area where there were almost no other black people or B) was holding out for a guy who clearly wasn’t into her to like her.  The problem isn’t that it’s black women dating outside their race, the problem is that after a while you start to realize where you’re not wanted.”

This one I’m conflicted on.  Every blerd man has met that black woman that grew up with really no other black people around her, but the hold out thing…eh.  Nah.  As for the identity crisis, yeah that’s a real issue.  I wouldn’t say blerd men aren’t wanted, it’s that it feels at times like were told to every which way to be impressive to women.  I can comprehend being in shape and being confident and sociable, but what no one wishes to admit is that some of us are just funny looking guys and thus were kinda dicked in the dating pool as there are in fact options, but said options seem almost non-existent as it really does narrow things down to the most earnest of the crowd.  What doesn’t help this is when guys are very shallow about their choices.  I’m sorry, but we can’t all pull the Ayesha Curry’s or the Lupita Nyongos of the world.  Some of us will have to settle.

“This is where I say that black nerd men should date explicitly outside the black community.  Yeah I said it.  Face it, the black community for the most part doesn’t take us seriously.  And black women in the general age bracket of most single blerd men are still in their ‘men are trash’ phase.”

“The average black nerd’s struggle isn’t even racism so much as it’s being ostracized from the black community, nerd communities and now even black nerd communities as now black men are attacked in women-led black nerd circles as being toxic; but let some random Asian dude with a six pack who likes black girls or some white guy with a soulful voice that can sing Frank Ocean show up, and suddenly he’s bae.”

I can’t honestly say that dating outside the black community will solve our dating woes as that comes with it’s own set of issues…

Honestly, if you ask me, date whoever works with you.  For me, I typically choose to date outside my race not because I hate black women, but because frankly I am at my most genuine and earnest, for one reason or another I just doesn’t click with the ones I’ve tried dating.  This isn’t to say that A) there are non-black women that I had the same issue happen with and B) that I couldn’t at some point meet a black woman that understands me and will love me back.  That being said, when it comes to interracial dating overall, one has to observe that most of the time when black nerd men date white women, we can’t say with a straight face that they did better there than had they kept dating black women.  Even I’m guilty of this.

“If anything, a white nerd girl would get you more than anyone else as most nerd circles in general don’t welcome women, and black nerd women get away with drinking ‘white women tears’ but apparently misogynoir or whatever is different and worse because ‘the black woman is the most disrespected woman on the face of the earth.’  No, this applied back when it was said.  NOW it’s being co-opted by women who use it to excuse shit like the annoying thoughts and antics of people like Crissle from The Read.”

I can’t agree with this any further because when I stop and think about it, it’s been my white nerd female friends that understood the least why certain things are the way things are for me as a black nerd.  That being said, there are many black nerd women that can understand my issues.  However, the disconnect comes about when things like “why don’t you hold other black men accountable?” come about.  We’ve tried that, you know what happens?  They call us a simp, say we’re caping for pussy and keep it rolling.  I’m not even sure putting a literal gun to their heads would bring about the kind of change y’all want.  This perhaps is why sometimes the only way some of y’all get justice for their actions is getting them suspended from Twitter or whatever.  Just a thought

“I simply disagree with the belief that black nerd men need to meet a certain level of attractiveness or to conform to some standard of dress, conversation, interests or personality.  Honestly anyone that demands you conform to their standards to even potentially be considered as a mate is very likely someone who was never interested in YOU, but rather what you could do for THEM.  Fact is, if someone really wants you, contrivances can be made and should be made.  The path of changing yourself for a woman quite literally ends with you giving up your dignity, integrity, and confidence for someone who can leave at anytime and leave you to have to pick up the pieces.  So I assure you, don’t listen to anyone that tells you that you need to conform.  I know too many men who kept it 100 every day and are happy.  Don’t sell yourself for someone else.”

This and the final part I disagree with as logically this just isn’t true.  That being said, the reason I have such a deep rooted issue with so many people in the blerd community is that a lot of you have decided to say how high when told to jump by anyone who basically says, “Agree with me or I’ll say you hate black women.”  There’s no room for debate any further in our community and in short, this is why I avoid all of you with a vengeance.  Fact is, for the time I was known in the blerd community, many already didn’t like me because of my antics on podcasts.  So be it.

Yes I do believe blerd men should clean themselves up but when the demands go to “you must adhere to this particular ideology or be labeled an undesirable”, we do start to make it clear there’s an agenda going on here that all blerd men may not agree with.  So rather than open up things for a dialogue, we cut out people and double down by claiming that the reason your way is right is because your way is the only way that respects people’s lives.  While I can understand that there are non-negotiable issues such a bigotry and xenophobia, the fact is we’re at the point where we can’t even agree that certain people have different ideas about how they want their relationships to be set up.  Some want more progressive, some want more traditional, but to downright say that people’s choices for how they wish to live their lives with a potential mate is the reason that women are being abused is a bit hyperbolic.  Plenty of people have a relationship where the man works and the woman raises the kids and no one gets beat.

The reason I wrote this is because while my detractors and I are alike in that we both wish this article would go away, the hard truth is that there was some truth to what I said, not that black nerd men need to date outside our race, but that there are legit issues that we all need to have an adult conversation about without name calling and gifs flying.  I think blerd men and women can find love, but I also think it’s time we admitted that the biggest reason so many blerd men and women are having issues dating each other is because we aren’t on the same page for what they want from their mate.  Blerd men want the traditional dress well, talk good, be sweet and meet a mate that wants marriage and a kid.  Honestly, I can’t say what blerd women want as I’m not one.  What I can say is that there’s clearly a clash.  Some would say it’s women wanting men to pay for everything without the actual benefits of a relationship and some would say that the competition being white and non-black men of color is the issue.  All I can say for a fact is that there is an issue here that I badly tried to give a hot take on and failed, but still needs to be discussed.