Dear Black Women, I Tried…

By:  BlackConservative93

Even though I have never been in a relationship, black women were the only type that feed my interest.  I was on some pro-black shit, you know, ‘”The black family needs to be saved.  #BLACKPATRIACHY.”  Honestly, I have told my friends that I would only date black women because too many black men hype up how loyal white and Latina women are and I wanted to show and prove to black women that black men still loved them.  When I told my Korean friend this I had regret on the back of my mind as I knew my loyalty to them was meaningless.  Despite black women’s cries for love from black men, I must remember that their love is selective and 9 times out of 10, I am rejected despite my financial status, having a car and decent career.  Blerds can easily relate on the double standard in what our women want from us.  We all saw the multiple talk shows debating on why black women are single and the reasons black men fail in everything.

When you are a blerd or educated lame who has completely filled out the patriarchal checklist you are reminded that character is more important and that money means nothing, yet they will complain regrets of what they want and like.

When I look back at my life, black women were not very friendly towards me.  I vividly remember them embarrassing and bullying me through out grade school.  I had to earn my blackness, meanwhile most of my other black male classmates accepted me for who I was and did not care how lame or nerdy I was because they too were secretly blerds who watched DragonBall Z and Naruto.  I knew what black women wanted and it was not in me, so I turned to black YouTubers like Tommy Sotomayor, SargeWP and Tariq Nasheed for guidance on what is wrong in the black community.  Eventually, I grew my own independent analysis on the things occurring in my life.

In theory, I accepted the fact that I was not financially ready for a relationship while I was in college, but it sucks that as I matured my possibilities still felt limited and the women I once knew still shrug me off.  While continuing my education, my friends and even my dad encourages me to get my “mack” on.  In a few weeks being on campus I will admit there are a good bit of attractive women, but in most cases the they are with white men and like always, fitting in with new people is difficult.

Just like me, pro-blacks fail to understand how hard it is to be accepted by “everyday” black people, especially when attraction comes into play.  I recently reflected on the two white women from my past who were not afraid to like or befriend me.

In the 8th grade, a girl named Amber talked to me every time she saw me when she had the chance.  I was a huge nerd who did not have the best of clothes, but she did not let that cloud her judgment towards me even when I saw hostility from black girls who did not like being around me.  I ended up liking her at the end of the school year, yet we lost touch.  When I saw her again on Facebook, she was already in a committed relationship.

In college, another white girl approached me.  I told my friends that she liked me, but I had no interest in her partially because I was pro-black and I knew she had a racist uncle.  The thing that bothered me the most was that she was saving her virginity, hence why she was single back then because the last guy she was with only wanted sex.  I wanted the same thing, so I decided not to waste her time.

Years later it all starts to feel like there is no point in keeping it black.  I even attracted a dark-skinned Cambodian girl, but I had to turn her down because I am not a meal ticket.  Yet, other races of women seem to be more likable and accepting.  Black men don’t have to do anything to be cool among white people except just be black.  Honestly, I am not longer afraid of racism, pro-blacks can bring it up as a scare tactic and tell “get out” with horror stories of interracial dating gone wrong, yet they are not in my shoes.  I have been patient and it is not paying off.  Thus, being “on code” has no tangibles.  Good for you that you bought all the Hidden Colors and attended the conscious lecture tours.  What do I get for only being attracted to black women?  Of course, nothing.  The two white women who befriended me showed more respect than most of the black women I know currently.  Therefore, black women like Cynthia G. lose their merit because they lack honesty in what is really going on with black relationships and how blerds are never in the conversation.

Black men live in a world that hates and reminds us constantly that we are not good enough.  I have critiqued and changed myself so much that I hardly recognize myself.  I will give credit that black women have liked me when I used to date online, but in real-life most black women show no love.

Black women do not take this the wrong way because this is not a threat that I will run off to white women, but just understand blerds are going where they are wanted.  Do not guilt trip me on black love when I was the one being stood up on dates and talked bad upon because I was not cool enough to be seen in public.