The 8 Types of Black People You See in Black Facebook Groups

By:  H.T., Website:  Rogue Black Nerd

The Jeremy

The Jeremy can be found in essentially every black Facebook group in some capacity.  There’s never really a universal look to them, though they often look like the son on “The Hughleys” or like Jordan from “The Bernie Mac Show”.  The issue with these guys isn’t that they’re feminist or claim to be, or even that they defend women.  It’s that simply put, they will defend a woman’s point to the death even if you have facts to back up what you said against her point.  Because this guy will become the group’s token champion for women, calling him out will do really nothing to stop him and may even make him a bigger star.  Chances are these guys are friends with certain podcasters like, but not limited to:  The Black Guy Who Tips, Insanity Check Podcast, Crown and Collards, Americans United Again and Father Teresa’s Wine Cellar.  Really, this doesn’t end till he gets creepy.  And he will as, eventually, will inbox 1 too many women being suggestive or just disturbing.  Hell, the guy may even send a dick pic or two.  And then either he’ll leave, be kicked out, or stage a mea culpa that likely won’t help things.  If this guy is an admin, just leave the group as he’ll spend the whole time deleting your post or threatening to kick you out for telling a woman she’s wrong.  Black nerd groups are full of these kinds of guys, but more than likely they are either ignored or being strung along by the popular girls in the group.

The Player  

Unlike the Jeremy, the Player has enough confidence to be upfront with his intentions to try and woo a woman.  Does it always work?  Nope.  But when it does, believe you me, this guy’s demeanor towards a woman (or certain women to be exact) will change.  Every group has this guy or guys and to put it bluntly, they will likely fuck a few of your group crushes if not get nudes from them.  The biggest tell is when this guy’s comments or post start getting loads of hearts on it as opposed to just likes.  Also, unlike the Jeremy, this guy likely will never “go down” unless we’re talking about literal sexual assault.  Beyond that, he’s gucci.  More than likely this guy will either be Jesse Williams color or look like Idris.  Either way, know that if you’re a man with a wife or girlfriend in the group, he’s sent her an inbox, especially on her birthday.  Occasionally, these guys claim to be reformed thugs or even musicians, and despite the beliefs of the Jeremy, these guys tend to be RAGING misogynists and women still flock to him.  Don’t bother debating him as it’s likely that if you back him in a corner, he’ll pull the “I get more pussy than you” card and call it a day.  More often than not, the nerdy guys of the group will come to him for dating advice despite the fact that his secret is just that he’s attractive or that the women he attracts are pretty shallow.  Groups with this kinda guy as an admin will always devolve to chaos as he’ll ignore clear as day fuckery from people just to maintain his nonstop pussy train.  These guys exist in nerd groups but are easier to spot as they’re usually the main ones you see commenting on DBZ posts.

The Uncle Tom

The iffy thing about this one is that this guy comes in many shapes and sizes.  He may not even be a man.  More than likely, they’re dark skinned, describes himself as a nerd, has issues with women…fuck, I’m describing myself.  Still, I don’t fall under this as I can recognize systematic racism and just basic shit about racist white people.  Chances are this guy might be a OJ type where he’s in good shape and married to a white woman or is one of those black guys who carries a chip on his shoulder from years of teasing.  Either way, this guy’s annoying as fuck simply on the grounds that he goes too far just to “not be a victim” or to “get off the liberal plantation”.  They seem intellectual or “free thinking” but will justify police brutality as “just doing their job” and public figures saying race-baiting phrases as “just being honest”.  The most annoying ones are the ones who claim “I don’t see race” not shockingly, if it’s a woman, she’s either racially ambiguous to begin with or is darker skinned but has a white husband.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  If it’s a dude, you can always count on him being any range of skin tone but with a wife that looks either like Sarah Huckabee sanders or Kellyanne Conway.  Nerd groups have these kinds of people but there’s really nothing you can do about them as to kick all of them out would cut down the numbers drastically.  Just saying.  

The Super Pro-Black

These guys exist in every black Facebook group and live for the sole purpose of fighting white supremacy in all aspects.  Chances are, this guy or gal can’t enjoy basic things posted in the group as it’s always seen as a distraction from the things that matter.  These people will debate you on why literally anything is a plot to either bring down black people or simply emasculate black men, so obviously they’re highly homophobic.  To them, the Jeremy is the bane of their existence, but somehow the player is an example of the strong black man.  Him and Jamilah’s will fight, but if they find out they don’t live far from each other, expect sex to happen.  As far as nerd groups go, these guys are the worst as to them every hero should be black, but to make a character a black woman is proof that they are scouting for negro bed wenches.

The Jamilah

Much like the namesake, the Jamilah’s of any black Facebook group exist solely to call out the evils of men in the name of uplifting women.  What drives people up a wall is that this is someone who goes from 0 to 100 in a short amount of comments.  What could be a post about why you’re still single would easily go from the 3rd comment into a subthread about rape culture.  A simple discussion about a celebrity’s dress at an awards show could turn into an argument about colorism.  Literally nothing is above talking about why black men ain’t shit.  There’s no universal look for one, though they are likely to have a septum piercing and/or wear an unflattering shade of lipstick.  Chances are, these are the women that the Jeremy will show up to fight for if he’s not already tagged into an argument.  Because no group wants to be labeled as the anti-black woman group like say, 3AL, they keep these women around till eventually they either are pushed out the group by people not stopping the blowback or they takeover the group, sometimes literally, case in point:  EJOBNG.  Jamilah’s tend to be messy as despite their protests about misogynistic men, they will likely fuck around with a player or a super pro-black that she finds attractive.  Chances are, if she’s with a Jeremy, she’s either got kids or more than likely, she needs a man that’s as desperate as her.  In nerd groups, these are the ones that always seem to want to post pics of Riri Williams or Wonder Woman as played by Serena Williams.  The worst is when they start posting articles about heroes from the Mary Sue.

THE CORNBALL

The cornball isn’t necessarily an Uncle Tom, but more than likely, this guy was raised outside the influence of hood culture.  So more than likely, this person is clueless to a degree about the black culture of their decade or beyond.  Not all cornballs are Jeremy’s, but please believe all Jeremys are cornballs.  These guys pride themselves on not being street savvy or “acting like a thug” and being well dressed all the time.  Either he was raised by a single mom or his parents raised him to be like this because they hate the side of the family that lives in the hood.  The cornball is mainly docile as they aren’t there for fights, but please believe that should they end up on the other side of an argument with someone, pray they don’t have facts on hand as this will turn into light reading.  Even if the cornball isn’t attacking her, the Jamilah hates him because respectability politics.  And either way, the super pro-black will come for his head every time.  

The Pick-Me

The pick-me is the bane of the Jamilah’s existence in a group as people are far more willing to listen to the pick-me than her.  Never mind that the Jamilah will go on rants about how femme black men would make better fathers than cishet black men and how we hate black women with strong african features while she posts recipes and wholesome thirst traps.  The pick-me plays around with the player and sees the Jeremy for what he is, but the cornball stands the best chance really.  Again, the Jamilah HATES this type as they know that their way actually makes people LIKE them as opposed to just agree.  In the end, the pick-me, if actually wholesome, is likely already married or close to it.

Captain Hot-Take  

Captain Hot-Take, simply put, is chaotic evil embodied.  He has no allegiances, he doesn’t care who he crosses.  If anything, this guy exists simply to start shit and eventually get his posts shutdown.  This guy is the inventor of the statement “Bill Cosby was trying to buy NBC”.  This man will literally pick a fight with anyone, and I mean anyone.  God help the group if he’s a super pro-black too.  In the end, this guy leaves groups by force and forces admins to scrub entire sections of history out the group.  Nevertheless, this man is ubiquitous and is the goddamn devil.