Why Are Millennials Having Less Sex? Consider the Following…

By:  H.T., Podcast: Kuroi And Youth

One question that’s often raised about millennials is the fact that this generation is not only having sex less, but also having kids less, dating less and basically doing none of the stuff you would associate with someone with a healthy sex drive.  As a millennial, I think I can break it down easy for the Gen X and Baby Boomers.

Grew up with mixed messages about sex

Millennials my age were going through middle school into high school, but if younger, were going from elementary into middle school.  During these years, middle school aged kids were the target of a lot of odd messages about sex.  Along with the rise of broadband during the mid 00s which lead to the rise of internet porn, the starlets of the day, unlike the 90s were different.  Speaking as someone who is now only a few years younger than these women who are now in their 30s, these women were given a very…clean public image.

Hilary Duff was promoted as the girl next door and still kinda is now, they kept Lindsay Lohan as wholesome as they could before she killed the facade.  Jessica Simpson got a second wind with fame as a wife to then husband Nick Lachey.  But there was still a lot of TV, movies and music that, not unlike the 90s, sexualized minors.  On the other hand, parents by this time were also pushing a very chaste and abstinence oriented life for their kids.  During this time they grew up during a point where parents fought about teaching kids sex in schools, and some went as far as to employ religious studies to teach kids about sex, which would explain why many kids grew up with a complex about sex.

Keep in mind, statistics show that teen pregnancy were on the decline during these years and still are now, but the fact is you can’t cover up the fact that half of what kids saw was uncomfortable images about a subject we didn’t all fully understand or that many were raised by people with a very negative paradigm on sex.

Social media made people shallow and unable to socialize

Along with TV and movies, social media gave off the illusion that everyone was entitled to the cream of the crop in terms of the opposite sex.  Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and of course Instagram taught a generation where many came into their own in the digital age that looks matter more than personality.

Truth is, a lot of men and women gained undeserved sex, attention & praise and sometimes money from people who were raised to believe just because someone is attractive, they deserve the world and everything in it.  The giving of physical goods and currency to beautiful women for being beautiful goes back to ancient times, but now it’s because many men today dream that their 1000 dollars to an attractive woman or buying her a vacation or a phone will get them either her affection or bring about karma that will bless them with a good woman.  This is obviously bullshit.

Social media made it for men to seem interesting to women they just had to take good pics and make good statuses and for women, you simply had to be attractive.  Maybe this says less about the social media and more about the nature of man, but nevertheless, this isn’t good.  Not good in that speaking for myself and others, many relationships that have been started online didn’t always last.  This is because many people seek relationships with whip smart dialogue and mind blowing sex and the works, but never consider that such things require work.  C’est la vie I suppose.

Beauty standards are out of control

Face it, the standards by which my generation bases beauty is bullshit.  And I’m not saying that because I’m ugly.

There, argument settled

Fact is, there’s really no such thing as an unattractive woman as I’ve seen many a woman who looked effed up get not only boyfriends, but husbands and in some cases kids.  I’ll say it with a straight face again:  Amber Riley is a beautiful woman.  I’ll go even further and say I’m sexually attracted to this woman:

Here name is Cotton Candi, in case you wanna know

But that’s me.  Fact is, this generation is full of a lot of men and women, regardless of attractiveness, who will only fuck 8s or higher.  I can’t say in all fairness that women who are 4 to 6 only chase 8s and 9s because men who are 5s will not only stay chasing 9s, but a male 5 can upgrade to a 7 or even an 8 and will go back and mess with 5s and 7s *cough* Kevin Hart *cough*.

Seriously, women and men this generation as it relates to sex will give up good sex with someone who might make it enjoyable just to seek out someone that feeds their ego.  It’s why the idea of men being trash is so prevalent, bet you anything those women call all the good men corny, or problematic or my favorite, they live with him while fucking problematic men still.

Monogamy became too inconvenient

The reason Tinder exists is not simply because of demand.  The fact is, my generation has grown up, for the most part, either not seeing monogamy regularly or growing up seeing a fractured version of it.

Monogamy for millennials isn’t seen as trendy as often we see the most popular celebs and tv characters going from person to person, rarely settling down.  When celebs do decide to go the domestic route, they become “relationship goals” till they say or do something to remind people that it’s two people committed to each other.  Case in point:  Ayesha Curry.

One of the other reasons it’s hated is because millennials in their need to smash the patriarchy, see M/F monogamy as oppressive to women and not, yah know, how humanity builds families.  Fact is, my generation has grown up with half siblings, aunts and uncles by reproduction and not marriage, and parents separated but never married normalized to the point that wanting the opposite is now seen as bad.  And this isn’t good.

Fact is, millennials are the most privileged generation thus far as we have the means to feel fulfilled with far less.  On the upside, this means we are less focused on fitting in boxes we might not fit in, but at the same time we’ve become very entitled to believing the world should work our way.  But the question raised in this:  what happens when our desires conflict with reality?