Stop Assuming Blerds Lack Confidence

By:  Asher Primus

Before I take my hiatus from content writing I have to bring to light the topic that blerds are always hit with in response to their dating lives:  the lack of confidence is the classic turn down.  For starters nerds and blerds have it bad.  The media for decades have used nerds as the punchline for easy rejection and a punching bag for the jocks at school.  Girls see this and take note that blerds have no heart to stand up for themselves.  Some girls try to be nice about it and say that blerds just need to build their confidence.

I can partially agree, but it is normal for guys to feel nervous prior to the approach and it is not like girls are perfectly confident as guys easily notice their insecurities.  Blerds are taxed to death over their personality flaws.  Dating us is entering the unknown, but the greatest fear is having a boring sex life.  Telling us to gain confidence is their nice way of rejecting us and that’s okay, but we do not need the lecturing.  Women are not walking with self-esteem readers that measure our character.  Women need to be honest on how they feel about us.  Their perception comes from television.  They do not see us as black enough, yet when black women do the same thing and enter white spaces, they cry for diversity and redefine blackness.

I have always been hit with not being confident.  Recently, I got into an argument with a former classmate.  Despite a year of knowing each, she still believes my supposed lack of confidence keeps me single.  I respond with anger most of the time because that nerd stereotype gets played out.  If a black boy is not swagged out, loud or aggressive then it is assumed that something is wrong with him.  Confidence is the expectation for black boys to be Mandingos and players.  Just like I told my former classmate, I have invited black women to my house so they can get to know me, but none of them tried to do so.

Nerds may not be woo-ing girls with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pick-up lines, but our strengths come from our academics and gaming skills.  I remember breezing through standardized tests with no fear, sometimes I could guess through the paper and still pass.  I never had to worry about being held back or retaking the tests.  My confidence in my intelligence was never valued and even was belittled by my classmates.

The greatest mistake blerds make when approaching black women is that we give them our all and tell everything.  Do not buy into the concept of the matriarchal caregiver who helps heal insecurities.  They want savages, cyborgs and heartless individuals who are perfect.

Black boys have to be made out of steel and the hardest material on the planet.  We are easily called out for every mistake made and to a degree this is not anything less of a blerd problem; it is more of a black boy issue.

We have to wear a mask, even among ourselves to prove that we are not afraid.  It is a double edge sword to see women asking for men to be more sensitive, yet when I fall for it I am made as the fool.  My flaws become public.

YouTube is a quite an interesting space.  Years ago I happened to run across TFL’ers (True Forced Loners).  These were guys who basically gave up on dating and possibly life.  Yes, they lack confidence and I would say they do not need a girlfriend, but it ends up being a chicken or egg argument.  Were these boys always confident, yet lost their character with the downhill spiral of rejection or could it be the fault of weak game?  YouTuber Kent was the face of the TFL movement.  He was a black man who made countless videos of himself frustrated on why women were doing him wrong.  At times, his raw feelings reveal too much as he cried and screamed on camera.  In many videos, he was doing the most, but when blerds become sensitive and open about their feelings, we are reminded that women want toxic masculinity.  It is a guilty pleasure that not even black feminists could deny.

My best advice is for blerds to see the good and bad in their personality and avoid women who give bias criticism.  As I said before, some women will only want a certain type of man.  These women being selective is their lost.  If they can show up to support student athletes yet fail to attend competitions that you excel in, then she is not the one.