Why Black Men Do Not Fight Against Domestic Violence

By:  Asher Primus

I had to stop what I was doing and hurry to write a response for two articles on Blavity over the topic of domestic violence towards black women.

Speaking from a 3rd person perspective and witness, I have seen domestic violence in person.  I remember every late Thursday night hearing my neighbor’s screams and cries during arguments with her man.  At my alma mater they would host an on-campus walk dedicated to women who were survivors and victims.

Despite the general awareness of domestic violence, there are not many resources that specialize in the mentally and physically healing of black victims.  In most cases, black healing comes from media.  Tyler Perry and other black Christian playwrights direct films and plays that give black women therapy though art.  We can hate on Tyler Perry for wearing a dress, but he is able to tell the stories of black women who are forced to be silent because of their class, religion or family.  Abuse uses fear tactics to keep people in line.

For Colored Girls did not receive any support from the conscious community.  The argument freed abusers from accountability to shift focus on the supposed anti-black male tendencies of feminism.  Tariq Nasheed wanted to disregard the movie as entertainment and that if it does not describe the male viewer then they do not need to feel baited into a gender argument, but his response does not address the abusers.  As much as he prompts himself as a black freedom fighter, defending black women is not his strong suit.  His archived shows from Mack Lessons Radio are almost comparable to Tommy Sotomayor.  One of Tariq Nasheed’s greatest missteps was during the feminist uproar on street harassment.  Granted, Tariq Nasheed was right in that most of the publicized cases, black men were unfairly baited to make a sexist remark.  Yet, we cannot ignore that street harassment is real and we do not need to pretend as if it is not because of feminism.  You do not have to like Feminista Jones or even work with her to do something about it.  I have seen girls and women my age being approached, harassed and stalked by men who had malicious intend to rape them if rejected.  I am not going to sell out my future or anyone’s daughters just to keep a black man out of jail.

Even in Afrocentric groups the topic of abuse goes over their heads to needless semantics like,  “You’re like a simp feminist.  Black women like thugs, so it’s not my problem.”

Sympathizing for black women seems impossible for black men as they are afraid of what other men think.  They refuse to fight for black women.  For the guys who have a “let the bitch die” mentality, this stems from rejection even if they never knew the woman.  YouTube talking heads like Tommy Sotomayor, Jason Black, SargeWP, The Advise Show, Oshay “Duke” Jackson and Obisidian Radio have created the carefree black man who gives zero fucks on what is happening in the black community.  Their sexual frustration is understandable.  Blerds are 9 times out of 10 the better choice over street dudes and they have to watch time and time again as they lose out in finding love.  They feel that their lack of edginess causes black women to worry about their sex life becoming boring.  These men are angry and rightfully so, but their words are dangerous.  If a woman rejects a blerd, that does not mean she deserves death by abuse.

Respectability politics goes both ways as for right and wrong.  I for one will be unapologetic to say that the millennial concept of black love is toxic.  Granted not every abuser is a thug, but their relationships do bother me.  These men become the archetype black man, so their actions end up being the representation of us all.  Blerds have to waste so much time proving that they are different, but they are easy to reject and black women use that as reclaiming their power over men.  Blerds should fight for black women, but I understand that it is not easy despite our good deeds.  There is that feeling of doubt that they will never be attracted to us.  Instead morality works against us.  Yet, we are taking rejection too seriously, especially over the lack of sexual access.

The silence speaks for itself, but it is pathetic for blerds to just sit on the sidelines until our high school crush finally acknowledges us.  For me, I do not need sex or dating to fight on behalf of black women.  Black men worsen their public image due to their inactivity.  We cry for the demand of respect and patriarchy, but blerds and conscious men end up only being keyboard intellectuals and not the leaders of the community.  The accountability lies on us to correct bad behavior.  Ignoring the problem only translates as it’s normalized.