It Is Hard for Men to be Positive & Carefree

By:  Asher Primus

Early August, I was fortunate to meet with life coach and executive producer of Mindful Living Media, Parish M. Blair.  I happened to stumble on her carefree personality in expressing her sexuality.  She was completely different on how I viewed life.  I saw life as a negative struggle to remain sane in a world that screws people over from the start.  The problems stem from racism to sexism, then other “-ism’s” that divide us to seek superiority.

My realism and stress have bothered many of my female friends.  I recently had a dream where I was hated by the entire school and lost all of my friends because I let my anger get the best of me.  Granted, I have already lost tons of friends already, but in some cases, it had to be done.  Most of the time, I had to work on myself and come to accept that I am not as fun or warm feeling around others.  Even on good days, some of my friends do not feel like having a deep conversation.  It is a habit that I have developed from my father as most of his conversations are about race and religion.  Those topics are not my favorite because it gets personal and no matter what facts you throw at people, they will hold on to what was taught to them since birth.  From my observations, I admired the positive vibes Christian women bring to the world.  Despite the overdramatic dogma of how good white Jesus is to them, I have always wondered what kept these women going every day in good spirits.  It had to be something beyond understanding God and being a slave to religion.  Is there a way for non-believers to feel positive without picking fights over identity and personal views?  I needed the female perspective and I called Blair to see if she could help me understand at least, on where she gets her positive energy.

She taught me about how people block their potential by self-loathing.  Even as blerds, we limit ourselves based off of what we do not have compared to other men whom we envy.  At times, I have to check myself that the things that I do not have should not be a hindrance to my enjoyment.  Us blerds make the worst out of life for no reason and things that should not matter anymore such as high school crushes moving on, rejections and lack of sexual access.  We then create social groups to play the oppression Olympics to see who has been screwed over the most.  The negativity was draining.  This is why I will never join anymore pseudo-pro-black Facebook groups or be a part of MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way).

On the inside, my views differ from Blair, but it does not take away the fact that sexual energy is powerful.  Sexual energy drives men into what they can be with their potential.  Our subconscious purpose in life is the instinct to reproduce under the guise of companionship and ego.  We want to be best and be rewarded with a woman that others will never touch.  This feeling gives us the self-esteem to maintain the motivation to be proactive and dominate in all fields.  During pre-successes of our lives, we tally what works and does not in dating.  It is stressful, but we tell ourselves that with hard work we could get anything we want.

Women like Blair are carefree and do not look for societal approval, which could be defined as a privilege that women have over men, since they are not expected to be “builders” of the community.  During our phone conversation, she retold a story of her childhood that she had shared publicly with her followers.  While under the strict faith of being a Jehovah’s Witness her mother caught her masturbating and Parrish Blair did not understand why she felt aroused, along with a near death experience, these events led to her abandoning her faith to be a carefree sex goddess.  Her Instagram is quite explicit since she is not afraid to post semi- or nude pictures.  She told me, “My Inner Guidance inspires me to post the images and videos that I share that gives me confidence.”

To a degree, I could relate to her childhood.  I grew up with the curiosity in women’s underwear.  It was not even for sexual gratification, but to gaze on how women’s bodies were unique.  I just liked looking at it and did not think much of it.  My mom would hide the newspapers from me or separate the papers that covered department store sales.  On a separate occasion, I drew a naked woman and my older brother overreacted and snatched the drawing to show my mother.  I did not draw it to be sexual, but I was just copying something I saw on television.  I did not get into trouble, but I did appropriate him being a snitch.

I brought up these two incidences from my life because back then I was the happiest.  Now it is frustrating to pinpoint where did the fun and joy go, but I grew up and I did not need to be curious anymore.  I saw the world for how dark it could really be and at times it does scare me, but I put on a face to fool people into believing that I am carefree or careless.  Overall, I am glad I made a friend, who was completely different from me.  Sexual expressionism is not my thing, but I do not knock it, especially from women who make a career out of being an Instagram model.  It is a guilty pleasure for men, it may be a bad motivator, but despite it all everyone just wants love and to have a place in this world.  Women motivate us to do better.  It is the idea of good sex that makes men want to work on their physique to even sacrifice it all for that one special person.