Where Do Black Men Go If They Cannot Attract Black Women?

By:  Asher Primus

Is it a preference or colorism when black men overlook light-skinned?  The black sector of YouTube is at it again as factions made among Black MGTOW (who support Kodak Black’s opinion has a preference), Christelyn Karazin (who wants black women to leave black men alone because in her mind they are abusive or color struck) and SargeWP & Chrissie (who are against colorism, yet caution black women from dating interracial as a solution).

For most black women colorism started in grade school, as for me I learned about colorism vaguely in the 6^th grade.  I was not into it heavy.  The first girl I liked was dark-skinned.  I had a crush on her from the 5^th grade until 7^th grade.  Then from 8^th to 11^th grade, I had a crush on a light-skinned girl who resembled Cardi B.  Unlike my first crush, we did have a spark, but it never developed to anything serious.  She was a bad girl who always got into trouble.  So, I moved on and fell for a dark-skinned girl who had the nickname ‘New York.’  Nothing sparked in the future even with the two other dark-skinned girls I tried to date.

My dating life is bland, but I cannot complain because it would have been a distraction anyways.  Plus, I lived in a small town or a broke major city in Georgia, so it was slim picking anyways.  My preference is between black and mixed women (who have at least one black parent).  Mixed women are more relatable because they do not expect me to live up to stereotypical blackness.  I see this with many black nerds (both male and female) as they are dating other races and are allowed to be themselves.

Tariq Nasheed clowned black girls who do cosplay and even Jason Black did the same thing when black nerds did not make a big deal over the 1^st Black Panther trailer.  There is a reason why black nerds have an identity crisis in race.  For starters, we are not the ideal black archetype of black boyhood.  Rather, we are the buffer class for our elders, so they can have false hope that our generation does not go to shit.  Our mothers raise us to be gentlemen, they tell us to open doors for women, be nice and respectful and mule to their labor.

I will give SargeWP credit that boys raised this way are likely to date outside their race.  The black community is not blerd-friendly.  Media make us the face of Looney Tune-like antics as our bullying becomes comical.  On January 2017, a viral video from a segment of the BKCHAT featured black girls on a panel explaining why they only date bad boys.  They love the aggression, male-on-male respect and intense sex drive that they offer.  Overall, they feel protected because blerds are too afraid to stand up against rogue males.  The very ones who our mothers raised us to not be, but what our mothers fail to tell us was that the men are our competition when dealing with black women.  Being an uncommon black man creates uncertainty.  The old method in attracting black women still works to this day, so why deviate from the norm.  These women also assume that their own, personality is for ‘Becky.’  It becomes a ‘damned if you, damned if you don’t’ situation in hoping that one brave black woman would finally say yes versus dating outside your race because black women were just not interested in blerds.

Ironically, Karazin and Sophia Nelson produce YouTube videos criticizing black men.  While watching Nelson’s videos, she assumes that by birth black boys are given dozens of black women to choose from to be wife, while the remaining women become mistresses.  Nelson and Karazin add onto the stereotypes that black men are the bad guys.  Even when black men who are educated and respectful, Karazin and Nelson will crowbar a reason for black women to dislike black men because they are made to sound like womanizers who use black women for sex and white women as their wives.

I have heard repeatedly that black women are the rock and pillar of the community and they are always siding by black men even if broke, starving, homeless, lost and criminals; even though, as a straight and narrow black man, I never saw anyone come in my defense during my lowest and highest moments of my life.

I listen to SargeWP’s pov on perfecting the black race, unfortunately, I do not see the ‘Nubian Queens’ checking for me, I have been given indirectly the ‘okay’ to get with white women because I never publicize my love life.  I still love black women and I do defend them when they are attacked by white people and even our own.  I am on the fence on where to go or that I should expand my options beyond black and mixed women.  My dilemma has pros and cons.  If I date outside my race, I will become the typical black man from the suburbs who didn’t try harder for his own women.  There will be false allegations that I turned down qualified black women for a white woman.  When choosing mixed women, it ends up not completely better since idiotic comments by rappers put redbones on a pedestal.  Inclusion, it is my life, I have been single for a long time and black women did notice, but failed to act, so where I go, it is their loss.