Face It…The Man Of Your Dreams Is Probably Ugly

Onyx Contributor:  H.T. (@517NightHawk), Podcast:  Lansing Anti-Hero

One of the big discussions I often see on Twitter is the discussion of splitting bills in relationships, and the usual arguments are made.  One person says men need to provide (which is true), another points out that women seem to have forgotten the whole “equality” thing that many advocate for, and ultimately it devolves into a Caligula level orgy of feelings, hot takes, GIFs and memes.  In the end, I think there is one inconvenient yet highly accurate truth about the idea of men who provide in this day and age.

See, as many women decided that “pick me’s” were wrong for playing to men’s egos and daring to want men who were in control and not tell them they were trash, a lot of you failed to realize that all this “keeping it casual” shit that y’all do with men is quite literally antithetical to the idea of eventually meeting a man who will settle down and commit.  It can work for a time being, but when it gets time to get into a stable relationship, it’s going to be hard to find a stable relationship amongst the dirty niggas who keep showing up because you haven’t made it plain both in words and actions that you want a REAL relationship.  Sure, there’s always gonna be those guys who find out about your past and get testy, but those frankly are more than likely the dudes who will get so paranoid you’ll end up having to leave him anyway.

Fact is, the very men out here who have the drive and/or the means to provide for a family are, by definition, the “ugly” dudes.  When I say “ugly” I don’t necessarily mean ugly as in hideous, I mean ugly as in the fact that for the average guy, being the average guy puts you at a grave disadvantage in the age of social media.  Sure, it helps to be funny or know an instrument or have a cool hobby, but if you’re looking for a wife, nothing brings all the girls to the yard like being socially and financially stable in the age of people struggling to get from under student loans debt and still keep their head above water while making a way when they can.

Face it, I don’t think I’m ugly when I’m actually calm, happy and rational.  It’s that when you are honest with yourself and take into account who you are clearly or potentially competing with for the affections of ANY woman, you soon realize that it’s not even that you’re ugly, it’s that you’re nothing like the guys SHE likes.  Thus where the running refrain of “nice guy” Twitter that women only want thugs comes from.  No, all the women YOU want want thugs.  And thus this same logic can be applied to women as well.  It’s not that a lot of women are ugly or even unattractive, it’s that you simply wanting a man to commit to you, let alone marry you really does put you at a disadvantage out here with women who have no problem just fucking him and leaving, or even fucking him, making him food, giving him a place to stay for free all because of dick or their need to not be lonely.

This is where “ugly” guys come in.  The average guy who falls under this category is by nature an individual that desires simply being loved honestly by just ONE woman.  Likely, this is a man who’s dealt with some shit.  Hell, you think I’m the only motherfucker who got listed as free food?  Ask around, this shit happens more than you think.  The other running joke is that these kinds of men are often overlooked until many of the women they desire fall on hard times:  money, jobs, attractiveness, more often than not children.  But for many women wondering what’s the next step in finding a man who will give them the life they desire, it’s pretty simple; it’s the corny bastard.

I’ve watched a lot of snapped and my favorite episodes are always the ones where men who married a very attractive woman dies by her hand for her to be with her lover.  While it’s sad to know a man died because of a woman’s greed and lust, I can’t help but notice that the women who tend to have the most comfortable and opulent lifestyles were the ones that said fuck all to look.  This is where someone will say, “You’re setting men up to simp!”  No, I am not saying said guys need to buy a woman a gold bracelet on the first date or some shit, but I am saying that if a woman says, “I want a man who can provide for a family and be a good father.” and you KNOW you can do it, shoot your shot.

Men often wind up settling almost as much as women do, if not more.  The difference in the end is that we likely don’t make such a big deal about it unless you’re one of those MRA dick bags who thinks Elliot Rodgers is a martyr.  I’ve seen pastors that married women who have porn of themselves on the internet to this day.  I’ve seen men marry ex-drug addicts and live happily ever after.  All I’m asking is that you consider the funny looking guy who works in STEM or does a trade for a potential husband.  At worst, his beard doesn’t connect, he’s under 6’, he has no tattoos and he stays out of trouble.  Sounds like a winner to me, right?