H.T. Answers Questions About His Dating Life

Onyx Contributor:  H.T. (@517NightHawk), Podcast:  Lansing Anti-Hero

Episode featurning H.T. talking about his struggles in the dating world.

“What do you say to women when you talk to them?”

It depends on the environment.  If we’re at at a party, I ask a mundane question like, “Do you like the music?” or “So what are you drinking?” from that stage it stays harmless until I can segue into something funny and maybe tie in some serious stuff.  Does it work?  If by work, you mean get me sex or a phone number, no.   It’s not THAT successful.  Frankly as long as I can walk away and not be labeled a creep or get a drink splashed on me, I’m good.

“Why do you get pulled aside for creeping out women?”

One of the tell-tale signs of Aspergers is the tendency to engage in passionate discussions of subjects that we enjoy and not really notice that the other person isn’t really feeling it.  Enter me.  I kinda have to pace myself to keep myself from doing it, but It comes at the cost of APPEARING gawky and lacking in confidence.  Speaking of that…

“Why do you have such low confidence?”

It’s not so much a lack of confidence as I just don’t have a need to prove myself to anyone.  I got no problem TALKING to women, I just don’t have a need to shoot my shot at every woman in the room.  Truth is, word spreads fast that you’re the annoying if not creepy guy going around hitting on every girl.  If i’m going to approach a woman, I mentally prepare, I weigh out the pros and cons, and then if I decide to say something, I’ll go.

“Why don’t you just go with the flow?”

I’m not a go with the flow kind of guy.  I can somewhat improvise, but all is a means to an end for my endgame which is your phone number to interact with you for a date and maybe a relationship.  Frankly, “go with the flow” works if you just want to get your dick wet in one night with a woman.  Not me.

“Why don’t you dress better?”

One of my closest friends is about to get married to a guy who is (literally) a giant nerd who wears dad hats and sweats.  My friend is a beautiful woman (to answer your question, she’s in a part of Canada that’s above North Dakota) and her fiancé got HER.  I’ve seen countless examples of women who fall in love with guys who didn’t dress the best but we’re great people.  I don’t think the clothes matter really.

“Why do you have so many female friends?”

Look, shit works out like that.  I asked them out.  They said no.  I still liked hanging out with them.  We’re friends.  No, it’s not a long game to see if they’ll sleep with me later as a few of them are married, in serious relationships or just don’t like me like me on a romantic level.  Life goes the fuck on.

“Why have you had sex so few times?”

Simple:  I’m someone who would prefer to have regular sex with one woman than casual sex with multiple women.  Why?  I just get nothing out of the idea having multiple sexual partners.  From what I’ve seen, all sex with multiple women does is serve as bragging rights.  Not who I am.

“But…what about your hoe phase?”

Only 3 types of people tout the importance of the hoe phase:  People who wished they had one but couldn’t because some external or cultural issues kept them from having one, people who had one that few people get to have EVER, and people going through them now simply because they’re at the apex of their of their physical attractiveness.  Me?  I have really nothing to PREVENT me from having one, but I was never raised with the idea there was ever a need for one.  My father always taught me to just not be a fuckboy to women, but when it came to sex simply left it at “Be safe.  Don’t lose your dick trying to be cool.”  My mom TRIED to scare me into being a crazy monogamous man, but the simple fact that she’s remained unmarried to this day but never short on male company kinda puts a damper on her advice.  Meanwhile, every other male elder I grew up with never really pushed the idea of me being a player.  It was just…be smart, don’t get caught out her looking stupid.

“Free food my nigga?”

Look, I fucked up.  Simple as that.  It hasn’t happened in about 2 years.  Lessons were learned.

“Why can’t you just follow the example of all your peers?”

Because frankly if I can in any way avoid following the herd, I will.  I look at it this way:  most of these guys getting pussy off swag and and other pointless shit is temporary.  I would rather wait till they inevitably go the way of the Jheri curl and be left aimless because they followed temporary trends and have something to show for my years.  I am solid in my belief that I would much rather be unpopular for a few years of my life and work towards being a very socially viable man in other ways.  Maybe this isn’t the stage of life where I flourish.  Maybe this is the ascension rather than the peak.

“But you live in a college town…how is sex hard for you to get?”

Simple:  I kinda have to dumb myself down to not over or out talk women here in East Lansing.  And even though I’m CAPABLE of doing this, it really doesn’t APPEAL to me.  Like, yay, I got some possibly drunk white chick to fuck me.  JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.  I don’t want to do something everyone can do seemingly with ease.  I’m not leaving the bar with a fucking participation trophy.

“Why not just date nerdy chicks?”

Look, most of the black nerd girls have either stopped dating or just stopped dating black men.  White ones seems like an option, but nerds in general tend to be mighty anti-social.  Sure, someone will read this and say, “But I’m a nerd and I socialize!”  Great, I’m guessing you’re either a dude or a woman who likely has a significant other?  Yeah.

“Why not buy a prostitute?”

NO.  FUCK NO.  Even if you managed to somehow pay Mia Khalifa to fuck me, I’d have to say no.  Fact is, I’m so emotionally damaged from years of women using me for…reasons that I’m not cut out for no strings attached sex let alone prostitution.  I know she doesn’t love me, and I don’t actually love her.  But I’m not someone who can separate affection from sex.  Don’t get me wrong, I can be sexually attracted to a woman, but if I don’t have any emotional investment or feels as though I’m actually needed, my body kinda shuts down.  Call me what you will, this is my truth.

“How are your ‘friends’ constantly fucking your dates?”

This goes back to why I don’t listen to my peers about how to pick up women:  the women THEY attract do fuckery like this.  So I don’t listen to them as they’ve admitted they’ll only help me to cuckold me later.

“So you can hit a guy with a barstool but can’t talk to women?”

Because I grew up in a household where I was essentially physically and mentally abused for years.  My mind is kind of hard wired for the inevitability where I’ll get hit.  Talking to women is harder.  I still carry the trauma of from age 3-17 getting beat whenever my mother saw me talking to women.  Go figure.