The Great Black Male Nerd Fallacy of Women: Now It’s Getting Old

Onyx Contributor:  H.T. (@Awkblerd), Podcast:  Lansing Anti-Hero

In light of the most recent issue that caused Twitter to go into a tizzy over Ciara, someone brought up that isn’t this the situation a lot of us guys are always talking about when we say that we wish the girl we like would date us, the nice guy vs. the “thug” who gets all the girls we like?  But in response to that, a lot of you have bought into this idea that this isn’t a win because she only got with the “nice” guy when she had a kid by a guy who didn’t want to act right.  And this, right here, is why I can’t take a lot of you seriously.

First, let me start by saying that I’m touching on this issue from the paradigm of black nerdom because it’s always us motherfuckers that are the main ones yelling with this idea that we’re being cheated out of affection (read:  sex) from women despite us being these good, moral, upstanding guys BECAUSE we’re good, moral, upstanding guys.  And I have to call all sorts of bullshit on this mindset to whom it applies.  You know who you are.

First of all, possibly one of the biggest signs that a lot of you are full of shit is the kind of women you tend to chase.  I should know because I used to be like you guys.  Honestly, I don’t put any sort of fault on white, mixed race or just non-black women of color that y’all regularly chase after and fetishize left and right as they’re just existing.  But real talk, a lot of y’all really go hard on this whole let’s chase the least dark skinned girl in the room shit.  The last time I saw a black nerd go after a dark skinned girl (aside from myself) was Steve Urkel.  Hell, even when he got with Myra, he still held a torch for Laura.

But y’all negroes have literally no shame in how far you’ll go to get with any girl who looks nothing like your family.  Not that you NEED to, but you can’t complain that you can’t find love when essentially every girl who curved you looks either like Amy Schumer or looks like, I dunno, Jurnee Smollett-Bell, Karrueche Tran, Tessa Thompson, take your pick.  Hell, some of you SOBs are bold and will try to date Asian women despite how much they really don’t like black people.  I won’t say they ALL hate black people, but I’m sure if I asked enough Asian people my age about their family being racist, most would have SOMETHING.

But why do a lot of us have this mentality?  Simple.

One of the most common things I and many guys like me grew up hearing is that we were such “good young men” hell, in some cases, we were told we were the future of the black race.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of young black men who have the potential to do a lot of great things in society, but let’s keep it 100:  a lot of us black & nerdy dudes only got by because we weren’t like those “thugs” that we were told not to be like.  And yes, it happens to women too.  I know A LOT of young women who went a great deal of their lives thinking they were the greatest women walking out here only because all their aunts and whoever told them they were better than all those “fast tailed girls” out here.  It’s no different really.  What’s driving you all crazy is that those “thugs” are still getting the girls you were promised by our elders.  Furthermore, now it’s come to where a great deal of you don’t want to accept reality.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect.  In fact, I’m very much flawed as human being.  But the fact is, a lot of black nerds, due to years of fantasy that plays into our desires and hopes for being the guy that can do everything and get any woman he wants, a lot of us have bought into this idea of being told that we’re the best men out here simply for NOT being felons and maybe having a decent career.  Never mind that many of us are just as capable of being egotistical assholes and as I said before, a lot of us have this sad obsession with thinking that white or non-black women are the key to our sexual salvation.

Seriously, I’m from a town that for a while produced a lot of mixed race people who identify as black.  And I have no problem with interracial relationships, but the fact is that the reason a lot of y’all get mad at black women for dating white guys is, as Chris Rock says here, is they have standards.  With them, there’s true meritocracy in dating.  This is not to say there’s never been a black woman who dated a white guy just to spite black men, but at least when they do it, it makes sense on some conventional level.  But us?  Dude, a lot of us Black Nerd Dudes will talk ALL the shit about black women, black features, & black hair.  But when we finally get a girl, a white girl, AT BEST she’ll look like Britney Murphy at the beginning of Clueless.  I would say more, but making fun of people’s weight would be hypocritical of me.

Seriously, y’all got the nerve to sit here and complain about women being whores and having kids by guys that aren’t good for them, but if you’re so much better of a man and they’re such whores, why waste your time on them?  Clearly you have the potential to do SO much better, so why sit around bitching?  Unless, yah know, you probably know the REAL good women out here are still ignoring you.  Because at the end of the day, the great anger you all have is that the women YOU want don’t want you.

This is not a message of hate, but rather a message of hope.  Hope that those of you reading this will come to terms with the fact that frankly this pattern of behavior can never really get you what you want and only alienates you from the affection you so badly seek.  But of course, even as I write this, I can already hear you all calling me a simp in the comments.  And you know what?  Fine.  But even if we’re both single men, 2 facts remain:  1) I’m still in a better place with most women than a great deal of you, & 2) I’m pretty sure a RATIONAL adult male who has a girlfriend can see the merit in what I’m saying.

But sure, treat me like I’M the asshole.