Watching “Birth Of A Nation” With The White Folks

2016 has to be the Blackest year on record since the Civil Rights era.  This year we’ve had Beyonce embracing her pro-Blackness at the Super Bowl.  Kendrick was on stage at the Grammy’s with a gigantic silhouette of Africa shining in white America’s faces.  Colin Kaepernick decided to exude some pro-Blackness during white America’s favorite sporting event by kneeling.  Luke Cage premiered last week on Netflix displaying a bulletproof superhero brotha cleaning up the streets of Harlem.  And now, this weekend we’re about to have the Blackest presentation of all year…the opening of Birth Of A Nation.  It’s about to be hella Black all weekend long.  RGB colors will be on full display.  Black people overly excited in anticipation for seeing a film about a slave taking down the white man & his system.  Black fists will be raised to the sky, afros will be puffed out with Black fist picks sticking out of them…it’s about to be bliggity bliggity blackedty Black y’all.

And this is the reason why I’ll be trying to catch the matinee for this movie with the old white folks.

Listen, I’m just as excited about watching Birth Of A Nation this weekend as most other Black people are, but let me just be real with you all…me, other Black people, & Black movies just don’t mix well.  I have no problem getting online or being out in public discussing issues of Blackness or celebrating Blackness, but when it comes to the movies…I can’t fuck with Black people.  I just can’t.  I’ve tried it in the past hoping & praying for things to change, but you knee grows stay fucking up my movie going experience.  When I want to go watch a movie with the wife or solo, I’m not interested in hearing a bunch of random ass conversations that are not being projected from the speakers that I have paid my money to hear.  I’m not interested in hearing the random nigga shuffling through his/her bag to retrieve a Subway sammich & a bag of chips they snuck into the theater.  I’m not interested in Bonkwikwi & June Bug yipping and yapping at the screen as if they are actual characters in the movie.  I’m not interested in hearing some random ass miscellaneous baby crying.  I’m not interested in watching about 20 silhouettes get up every 5 minutes for a bathroom or snack break.  I’m not interested in the young couple sitting 2 seats over from me slobbing each other down.  I’m not interested in the random nigga sitting in the row directly in front of me giving out a history lesson during the entire movie to explain who is who & what is what that is taking place during a scene.  I’m not interested in a loud thunderous applause at the beginning of the film, during parts of the film where Black people are giving white people the business, & at the end of the film.  I’m just not interested in all of that.

All I want to do is pay for my ticket, get my popcorn & slurpee, get my seat up top in middle, and just watch the fucking movie in peace.  That’s why I’ll be at the theater when the old white folks go around 12 pm-ish.  Old white people have mastered the art of shutting the fuck up & watching a movie.  They get their shit, sit down, & be quiet…just the way I like it.  There aren’t any random ass conversations that can be heard above a whisper.  They just shut up and proceed to put eyes & ears forward.  So while I might be the only Black person in the theater around that time to see this great film, I don’t give a damn.  I could be the only Black person in that theater with 100 die-hard Trump supporters & Klan members…I don’t give a fuck.  Those racist & retarded bastards will forget my Black ass is in the room once the lights dim and the previews start rolling.  During that 90 minutes to 2 hours or so of sitting in that theater, we will have racial unity because nobody in there will be doing any unnecessary shit to fuck up their movie going experience.  Can’t say the same for Black people tho.