Ladies, You Don’t Need A Man To Celebrate Valentine’s Day

Why do you need a man to buy you candy, cards, or flowers?  You can buy that stuff yourself to demonstrate how much about thyself you truly are.  Celebrate in the fact that you have at least $50 in your purse to make yourself feel like the queen you are.  You go lady.  You go.

Why do you need a man to take you out to dinner?  Put on your best outfit & take yourself out.  Most restaurants have tables designated for 2 people to sit at.  You can use that extra chair to sit your purse, flowers, candy, card, & coat in.  Order the most expensive meal on the menu.  Savor every last bite & relish in the fact that you can show every other couple in the restaurant celebrating with their boo that YOU are serious with this single on Valentine’s Day business.  Laugh at all of the women whose men will be picking up the tab.  You are a divine diva.  You can afford your own Valentine’s Day dinner tab.  You go lady.  You go.

Why do you need to be with a man to change your relationship status on Facebook?  You can literally just change it by hitting a button.  So what if you don’t have a man, change that status update to “in a relationship” so it can notify everybody on your timeline you are taken.  After everybody hits the LIKE button & comments non-stop asking to know who this person is, you post a picture of yourself smiling unapologetically.  Or you post a picture of you with Jesus.  Either way, you let these good-for-nothing hood boogers on your friends list know you can still be in a happy, healthy relationship with yourself.  Fuck them and all of their pics they are posting showing off the shit they do with their actual real man.  Tell them you have elevated to a higher plateau of thinking & self-love to where you are the man & woman combined in spirit.  You go lady.  You go.

Why do you need to wear sexy lingerie for a man?  Take your ass down to Vicky Secrets & buy the flyest most revealing fit you can find.  Go home, put that outfit on, look at yourself in the mirror, & just hug yourself all night long.  Pop a bottle of bubbly, pour yourself a glass, dim the lights, put on some slow jams, break out that teddy bear you’ve been holding on to since 8th grade.  Pretend that bear is telling you some romantic sexy things, giggle to yourself, & just get lost in the moment.  After that bear is done whispering that ism in your ear, head on over to the bedroom & break out BOB (your Battery Operated Boyfriend) & let the night go where it may go.  You are a strong woman capable of doing bad all by herself.  You go lady.  You go.

Finally when February 15th rolls around & your social media returns to its normal minute-by-minute dose of ratchedness, nobody will even recall how you were so proud & mighty by showing the world that loving yourself of Valentine’s Day is just as special & romantic as a real life couple celebrating their affection for one another.  Nobody will ever realize that the whole time you were posting status updates showing the world that you didn’t need or want a man by posting pictures of flowers, candy, cards, & dinner you bought yourself…deep down inside your inner feels were screaming for the affection of a real man to show you how to be treated like a woman.  Nobody will ever know.  You go lady.  You go.

In the meanwhile, if you are not that strong of a woman, you have this option:

Your favorite mulatto.
%d bloggers like this: