$650 Bruh…Jordan Are You Serious?

The name of these kicks in the header image are called Just Don & they are retailing for $650.  Yes, six hundred & fifty dollars.  Nike should rename these shoes and call them Just Don’t as in Just Don’t Buy Them.  Nike must be out of their rabid ass mind trying to peddle some old sofa cushions with shoe strings for $650.  But then again, Nike isn’t out of their mind, all of the idiots who are currently lined up 3 days in advance are out of their mind for entertaining this foolishness.  Maybe it’s just me, but I cannot comprehend paying $650 for a pair of sneakers.  I believe the most I ever paid for a pair of sneakers was $125 or so back in 1999.  They were the  Nike Total Griffey Max ’99.  Shits were fresh to def.

Even back in ’99 when I was 19, $125 was taxing my pockets heavy considering I was a broke college student.  To this day, I think the highest I’m willing to pay for a pair of shoes is around $125 and that’s not happening often.  I recently took my two sons to Foot Locker to get some new shoes.  My oldest son is 9 & wears like a size 6.  Shoes just for him can easily creep up towards $100 with no problems.  I lucked up & got him a pair of Lebron James sneakers for $60 & I still thought that was too much.  My youngest son is 1 & Jordans for him cost $50 a pair.  $50 for a pair of damn baby shoes.  Get the fuxx outta here.  I’m bout to put that lil dude in some shoes with the bells on them like my momma did me.  I say all of that to say, even if I was single with no kids, ain’t no way in the world I’m about to drop $650 on a damn pair of plain old regular sneakers.

In order to get $650 out of me for some Jordans those shoes better have one of these options:

1. Inspector Gadget springs that pop out the bottom to enable me to jump over buildings in case a nigga try to rob me.
2. A Lo-Jack GPS system installed in case a nigga does rob me.
3. A guaranteed 750 or higher credit score.
4. A month worth of coupons to redeem pussy from nothing but bad ass bishes that look like Megan Good.
5. 3 months worth of white privilege so I can feel what it’s like to not have to worry about the problems associated with being Black.

I’m not going to be greedy and ask for much, but damn for $650 for a product that costs maybe $5 to make…c’mon now.  Nike you gotta throw in some real perks to entice me give you more than I pay for a car note.  Just being able to parade up & down the block with my chest out saying “Look at me!  I’m wearing $650 Jordans!” just isn’t good enough.  But then again, I’m not the rich-broke knee grow consumer you are targeting anyways, so it really doesn’t matter.