10 Lessons The 2015 BET Awards Taught Me

Welp, last night was Black society’s big event…The EBT Awards…my bad the BET Awards.  This was the night of all nights to put on display our best & brightest in Black society who serve absolutely no purpose beyond providing us a full serving of pure niggardtry.  But are we to expect anything else?  Let’s just be honest.  Before you start reading my rant, I’m not here to write an article bashing everybody who watched the BET Awards when there are more pressing issues facing Black society than looking at a bunch of rich-broke knee grows win awards for songs I don’t give a damn about.  Truthfully, I don’t have to go hard in the paint all day everyday about Black society’s issues, I can put that shit on pause & indulge myself with rachtedness from time to time.  So I did.  I watched damn near the whole show minus the 20 minutes I had to run to the store which just happened to be the segment of the show when the Empire cast did whatever the hell they did on stage.  But regardless, it doesn’t matter what is going on in life or on the TV screen, there are always lessons to be learned.  With that said…

Here are the top 10 lessons I learned from the 2015 BET Awards:

1.  Tyga without Chris Brown by his side is just Tyga standing on the streets holding a “Will Rap For Food” sign.

Let’s just be honest here, Tyga can’t make it on his own.  The skills are just not there.  I mean sure he can rap somewhat, but nobody pays attention to Tyga unless Chris Brown is around which really means Tyga is really Chris Brown’s version of Flava Flav.  Seriously, did anybody ever really notice him when he was running around with Young Money?  No.  So why would things be different now?

2.  The only musician with true longevity as far as BET is concerned is MC Lyte.

Rappers & singers are here today & gone tomorrow.  But if your name is MC Lyte, you are in the muhfuxxin’ house each & every year holding it down in the booth narrating the show with that raspy voice.  I don’t know how many years MC Lyte has been the official BET Awards narrator but she’s been holding down that spot for a minute now.  She’s like BET’s version of Rod Roddy from The Price Is Right.  If she isn’t in the booth reading that script when the show starts, then it’s just not going to much of an award show.  MC Lyte…thank you for your years of selfless service for being probably the only musician who can properly read & speak.  Thank you.

3.  Light skin love ballads are official now.

The Weeknd & Alicia Keys performed together last night singing The Weeknd’s hit song “Earned It”.  These two proved that two light skinned people on stage at the same time, singing a song to each other about love that…anything is possible in life.  Anything.  What could be better than looking at fine ass Alicia Keys and this Canadian guy with his dreds in the shape of ski slope singing about light skinded love?

4.  Tracee Ellis Ross….good googly moogly, that thang is juicy.

Anthony Anderson was the real winner last night the moment Tracee Ellis Ross sat those cakes on his shoulders.

5.  The most successful artist Diddy ever signed was Diddy.

BET honored Bad Boy records for being in the game for 20 something years & we got to hear a lot of oldie but goodie 90s era Bad Boy songs.  But, there were A LOT of people missing from that stage tho.  There were a lot of people missing from that stage that were probably at home saying shit like:

  • “Fuxx Diddy” — Total
  • “Fuxx Diddy & the BET Awards” — Craig Mack (according to my cousin he lives in St. George, SC…where my family originates from…I might have to go pay this knee grow a visit to see what the flava in his ear is all about these days)
  • “Fuxx the U.S. government for deporting me, Diddy, & the BET Awards!” — Shyne somewhere in the jungles of Belize
  • “Fuxx Diddy & that damn cheesecake walk!” — everybody who appeared on any season of Making The Band (I was really hoping Diddy would bring out Dylan to spit that hot fire tho)

And last but not least…

Diddy, BET Awards, onyx truth

  • “Fuxx the BET Awards for letting me fall through the stage all because I hit a coach with kettle bell!” — Diddy

6.  It’s always best to praise the Lord after singing about eating booty.

I just love how BET displays some of the most ratched material for about 60 minutes into the show, then pauses for a 10 minute praise break, then picks back up with another 60 minutes or more of pure ratchedness.  I guess church folk need to learn about eating booty & why Big Sean doesn’t fuck with them….who knows.

7.  K Michelle’s booty tho…

Listen, K Michelle just needs to hire a cameraman whose only job is to keep the camera on her booty at all times.  That thing is just too big for TV.  It’s like she is hiding all of her talents up in those cheeks because the singing skills are just not there.

8.  Tamar Braxton dressed like she’s doing a photo shoot for a 1984 album cover.

Besides Tamar Braxton asking Bobby Brown can she wear some of Whitney Houston’s old shit from the 80s to perform her song, did anybody notice how Tamar Braxton was mean mugging during her song.  She had that Pinky from Friday “Say one more muthafucking word nugga!” stare.

Tamar Braxton, BET Awards, Onyx Truth

9.  Shout out to J. Cole for going platinum with no features from other artists and NOT winning a BET Award.

Amazing how that works huh.

10.  Nobody honestly gives a damn about the BET Awards unless Beyoncé is going to perform.

Ciara did aiight with her dance routine to celebrate Janet Jackson.  Janet Jackson is still fine as hell as she gets ready to hit the half century age mark.  Rihanna…is still annoying with her big ass fo’ head.  But let’s just be honest, Beyoncé puts the B in the BET Awards.  Don’t nobody give a damn about the rest of these artists.  I just want to see Beyoncé.

Those are the lessons I learned.  Let me know what you learned.

Your favorite mulatto.
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