I Hate Politics But Here’s 5 Reasons Why I’m Watching Every Speech Donald Trump Makes

I got to admit…I hate politics.  Seriously, I hate politics.  I tried to convince myself to learn to like politics during President Obama’s first campaign, but after he won I quickly realized again why I hate politics.  It’s just the same ole “tough talk” over & over about all the stuff people plan to do then once it doesn’t get done, everyone blames everyone…it’s like the ultimate game of “I’m telling mom”.  We the people are mom and the politicians are the kids running to tell us every night on cable news who’s fault it is.  I can’t think of a better analogy…so fuck it, I’m rolling with that for right now.

Well today, I just rediscovered my interest for politics again thanks to this Donald Trump.  I’m not interested in his politics nor do I ever foresee myself actually voting for him but, whenever he gives a speech on TV from here on out in regards to his candidacy, I’m watching.  And here are a few reasons why:

1.  In reference to the Chinese:  “I’m not saying they’re stupid.  I like China.  I just sold an apartment for $15 million.  Am I supposed to dislike them?  People say you don’t like China.  No, I love them.  But their leaders are much smarter than our leaders.  And we can’t sustain ourselves with that.  It’s like, take New England Patriots and Tom Brady and have them play your high school football team.”

Translation:  Chinese people are stupid.  They just bought an apartment I sold to them for $15 million.   Their people are stupid, but they have really smart leaders…I think.

2.  In reference to the economy:  “I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.”

Translation:  I plan on putting you broke muthafuckas to work….on one of my golf courses or in my hotels folding bed sheets & shit.

3.  In reference to Mexico:  “I would build a great wall.  And nobody builds walls better than me, believe me.  And I’ll build them inexpensively.  I will build a great great wall on our southern border and I’ll have Mexico pay for that wall.”

Translation:  All you illegal immigrant muthafuckas, you wanna job?  I got a job for you.  You will build my wall and then you will graciously get the fuck out of my country….unless you want to work on one of my golf courses or in my hotels folding bed sheets & shit.

4.  More on Mexico:  “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best.  They’re not sending you.  They’re not sending you.  They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us.  They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists, and some, I assume, are good people.”

Translation:  Mexico is not sending us Tom, Bob, Sarah, & Jane.  They’re sending us Julio, Juan, Isabella, & María de Jesús.  They all belong to the Cartel.  They all want to bring you some nose candy so they can have sex.  But they do make good fajitas, so I guess they are good people…plus they can work on my golf courses or in my hotels folding sheets & shit.

5.  About his wealth:  “I don’t need anybody’s money.  It’s nice.  I don’t need anybody’s money.  I’m using my own money.  I’m not using the lobbyists.  I’m not using donors.  I don’t care.  I’m really rich, I’ll show you that in a second.  And by the way, I’m not even saying that in a braggadocios…that’s the kind of thinking you need for this country.”

Translation:  I’m rich bitch.  Fuck you gonna do about it.  I see you looking witcha broke asses.

Bottom line, dude has too much money, knows he can’t win, so he’s going to say whatever the fuck he feels like saying…and I need a good laugh.