The Feminine Woman’s False Friends

Onyx Contributor:  C.J. Dillard

The Black feminine woman is mesmerizing.  She’s intelligent, passionate, kind and gentle.  Furthermore, she’s a force to be reckoned with when it comes to the people that she considers friends.  Mess with her people and you mess with trouble, plain and simple.

Now with all that being said, this very classy lady is still a woman and a woman is a person, and…people make mistakes.  One of those mistakes is choosing the wrong friends.  Good friends are hard to come by, and it is extremely easy for a false friend to slip past your barriers and take a seat at your table.  So, I’ve created a list of the 4 false friends that every feminine black woman will encounter at least once in their lives, and how to avoid those kinds of attachments.

The Instigator

This is the one that’s always starting trouble, whether it’s for a reason or not.  Sometimes it’s with you, sometimes it’s with your other friends, your mother, the mailman, the Walmart lady who checks receipts.  It’s all fair game to her.  She’s like a vampire; one bite and you’re a soul sucker, too.  You use to take pride in being a calm, gentle woman that didn’t bother with unnecessary confrontation.  Now, you find yourself muttering something cruel about the waitress that forgot the napkins you asked for.  So you make a scene in a restaurant and refuse to pay.  You’re overly pissed off at your man for forgetting to buy something at the store.  Well, he doesn’t appreciate you, now does he?  Wrong.  It’s HER.  She’s infecting you.  She’s ruined all of her relationships with people and now she wants you to do the same.  She’s clever, but don’t fall for it.  When confronted about her behavior, she’s always stresses that she’s a “good” person and she’s just being honest, but good people don’t have to constantly say they’re good people, they just are.  The best way to deal with this mean girl is to avoid all contact.  Don’t call her, don’t text her.  You see her in the streets, you walk your sassy self in the other direction.  This works best if you haven’t known her for very long.  It takes two to tango, and one thing about this lady is that she’s perfectly fine with looking like a fool as long as someone else looks like the bigger fool.  A solo is not her style, and she’ll quickly grow bored and move on to the next unfortunate soul.

The Doomsday Damsel

This one has a problem.  Seriously, she has several problems and they’re speeding towards her even as we speak.  They are coming to DESTROY her.  Well, not really, but to her this is completely true.  Sweetheart ditched her rose tinted Ray Bans for a truly negative bird’s eye view on life and she hasn’t been right since.  Her Facebook page could double as the spark notes to Things Fall Apart and she’s a firm believer in Murphy’s Law #1:  anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.  Stuff that’s a mild annoyance to others is a down right catastrophe to her.  She needs help and advice for every little thing in her life and the first person she calls is her father.  Actually, that’s a lie, the first and last person she calls is you.  She constantly needs a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold and an ear to listen to her talk about the madness that is her life.  You end up getting more stressed out about her problems than your own.  You don’t remember the last time you got a decent night’s rest because you’re too busy listening to her on the phone wail about how her man told her “love you, too” as oppose to “I love you, too,” so he’s DEFINITELY cheating on her.  Stop being this woman’s drug.  Cut the feels short, quick and in a hurry before you start sporting her signature pixi cut, because you’re hair has begun to fall out.  Unless you do prefer the shorter do, then that’s another story.  Next time she calls or steps up to you with dreaded “Do you have time to talk” and starts spouting that nonsense, kindly let her know that you can’t help.  She’ll take the hint and move on.

The Thief in the Night

“Bee-otch stole my man!”  She sure did.  What’s worst is that she did it with style, with flare.  The mess was almost admirable.  She was able to make eyes at ol’ boy, insult him so as to make herself seem uninterested, and wear the sexiest outfits around both of you without you noticing a thing.  Come on now, you have to admit that was some darn good scheming!  Now that you’ve calmed down, let’s take a closer look at the situation.  Miss “Best friend” was always the first one to say something negative about your man, whether her opinion was needed or not.  You could have had the sluttiest of boyfriends, and she’d proclaim him a low-down dirty dog.  That being said, you could have also had the kind of man that sistas dream about, and she would still dislike him.  Why?  Well, she wants him because you have him, and she doesn’t want YOU to know that.  This is the same sista that would shout up and down that there are no good Black men available, when really what she’s doing is honing her skills on someone else’s game.  Single men are boring to her, there’s no real challenge.  She gets an ego boost out of stealing away another woman’s man.  This is not about you, or your man, this about herself, and her never ending desire to prove that she’s…desirable.  Remember the wise words of Antoine Dodson:  hide your husband.  Also, if you’re bold, ask her why she’s always around someone she doesn’t necessarily like.  I don’t know about you, but people naturally clear rooms when its occupied by someone they find unsavory.

The Ghost

On the surface, you can’t find a thing wrong with this lady.  Your friendship, to your eyes and everyone looking in, seems like a match made in heaven.  You have a lot in common, she’s intelligent without being too prissy, she’s not concerned with your guy because she’s too busy with hers, and she hates drama.  Perfection, right?  Not quite.  The second she’s uncomfortable, or things don’t exactly move in her direction, she’s long gone and on to another one.  This frenemy has a selfishness that’s almost difficult to spot until it’s too late.  She’ll never be satisfied unless she’s the beginning and end of everything.  And that’s okay.  Anyone that will leave for those reasons should not be allowed to stick around anyway.  There’s really nothing you can do or say to get rid of this false friend; they’ll dismiss themselves.

I guaranteed you will run into at least three of these women in your entire life.  The important thing is to maintain your femininity and gentleness despite such negativity.

Stay classy.