Battle of the Sexes: Ridiculous Cliché Edition, Episode 1

So throughout my wanderings I have been exposed to many different adages and clichés.  Due to the ubiquitous nature of social media, these adages usually find their way into memes and are spread all around, particularly on Facebook.  Every now and then I see one that is just so over the top that I dissect the foolery within, bit by bit.  Today’s target is the apple tree metaphor.  It reads as follows:

“Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree.  The men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don’t want to get hurt.  Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t so good but easy to get.  So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing.  They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top because they value quality.” — Shuna Holmes

Ok, so I’m going to go ahead and put this out there on the table, as this quote has been a pet peeve of mine for some time.  First up:  “Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree.”  Maybe the reason you’re still at the top of the tree is because your ego might float you up out of reach even if someone does climb up there.

Humility is on sale.  It’s  available over on aisle five.

“The men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don’t want to get hurt. “  It’s stupid to climb a tree trying to get an apple anyway, since it makes more sense to get a stick and smack a branch with it, which is what smart people do.  Even the farmers don’t climb apple trees to get the apples off of them.

See, what had happened was… I wanted an apple from the top because I saw this meme on Facebook.

“Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t so good but easy to get.  So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing.”   The apples on the ground have fallen to the ground because they are ripe already. While it is true that you will likely not find a rotten apple still on the tree, you’d have to be an idiot to bite into an apple you found on the ground with out giving it the once over to see if it’s rotten. So if you bite into a rotten apple, it’s your own stupid fault.

Off to the corner you go.

Additionally, the apples at the top of the tree aren’t any better than the apples anywhere else on the tree, as the apples mature at essentially the same rate.  So one could argue that the apples still on the tree are actually too immature to be eaten and likely running around playing little girl games instead of being on their grown woman status, since they haven’t fallen yet.  So no, they’re not necessarily “amazing.”

No whammy, no whammy, no whammy aaaaaaaaaaaand stop!    *Womp womp*

While we are sticking with the apple metaphor, there may indeed be something wrong with the apples at the top.  They’re either 1) unripe, 2) are the same ripeness as the other apples, but aren’t enticing enough for men to risk long bone fractures to get them, or  3) haven’t fallen yet because of their inflated ego.  I imagine them chanting:  “we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing, we’re amazing.”

Kind of like this but with more makeup and eye shadow

“They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top because they value quality.”  Well, we’ve already reviewed how stupid it is to climb an apple tree to pick an apple.  You’d feel doubly stupid if you climbed to the top of the tree, picked an unripe apple which was masquerading as a ripe one, and then fell and broke your leg on the way down.  That sounds like something Monty Python’s Black Knight would do.

T’is but a flesh wound

Well that brings us to the end of today’s episode.  I hope everyone laughed a little.  I’ll make sure that some of the subsequent episodes pick at the men too.  Now I’m sure someone one will probably get their panties in a bunch at my dissection of what was probably intended to be an uplifting little adage.  I think it’s only fair that the men get to poke fun at the women sometimes too.  So sit back, relax, and have a good laugh.

Now, how do ya like THEM apples?

Onyx Contributor:  Cold Logic