Ride or Die? How About Survive and Thrive?

“I will be a convicted felon for the rest of my life for trying to be a ‘down a** b****’ “

–  One of Lil’ Boosie’s baby’s mothers (in reference to her catching a charge for smuggling drugs into a prison for the father of her children.)

As many of us wait with bated breath for the death of “Side Chicks” and “THOTS” *shivers*, I wait for the death of another common female archetype:

The “Ride or Die Chick”/Down A** B****

For those of you that don’t know, a “ride or die” is a woman who has undying loyalty to the person they are with. They are down for any and every thing.

• You need money? She will max out her card.
• You get locked up for 10+ years? She faithfully visits you every week.
• If it’s a “you or her” situation, she’ll put herself in jeopardy before she’ll ever put you in jeopardy.

Honestly she is every dope boy’s dream, and ALL I have heard about coming from where I’m from. And I cannot and will not co-sign it.

“Finesse man, you wrong, why you won’t hold that man down when things get rough???”

Why? Because in the infamous words of the Lady Sweet Brown: “Ain’t NOBODY got time for that!”  To be a “ride or die” you need to love and believe in the person unconditionally, never question them, and put them before yourself. If you need that, I’m just not the woman for you. Perhaps that sounds harsh, but I think for the woman or man who has everything going for themselves and everything to lose, this simply does not make sense to be involved in.

Now I do have a couple of “loophole” situations where I would not mind putting my mate before myself, but most of those situations would involve him being selfless instead of selfish. For Instance:

• Let’s say you are MLK Jr. and I am Coretta. If I am arrested and the only way out is for me to give you up to the authorities, you can be sure that I’d go to jail before allowing you to be locked away. But let’s be honest, You aren’t leading a civil rights movement. You’re selling drugs, or doing something just as illegal. That’s selfish of you, and because you were selfish, you lose me.
• Let’s say you are heading off to college, or some other similarly length “self improvement”  venture. I’ll hold it down for you.
• Let’s say you are building a business and are short on the cash to get it off the ground. I will empty out my account for you (provided my bills are paid).

But ruining your life, for the sake of someone who didn’t think enough of themselves to avoid ruining their OWN life? That’s just irresponsible.

As a woman, I don’t see myself being the type who risks it all for someone who isn’t thinking about me. I value myself and my future too much. And as a man, I would think that you would want a woman who HAS something to lose and doesn’t want to lose it, but would rather use it to help you GAIN.

Ride for you? Die for You? How about we survive TOGETHER and THRIVE? How about I promise to support you in any venture you undertake? How about I motivate you? And when things get rough, how about I help lift you up and help you start over again?

See the difference between a “Ride or Die” and a “Supportive Woman” is that one of them will encourage your fxckery while the other one encourages your success. One’s a “Yes Woman” that will follow you into the depths of hell while the other one challenges you and will uplift you.

Why do you want a “Ride or Die” again?

Onyx Contributor:  Finesse Apprvd