Holding Patterns

I’M NOT THE FIRST ONE but I’ll put it out there — being a good man is difficult. 

There has been many of times when being a great man you find grief; from watching women you are attracted to chase spiritually abusive men to being falsely identified as a guy of no intrigue.  When you are actually noted for being a man of interest but the lady is not ready, I find a disturbing tactic where that lady practically puts you in a holding pattern.  This “holding pattern” is  comparable to a holding pattern an aircraft is placed in where they are not permitted to land.  Or being placed in park for too long.  Or being placed in a back pocket, or a drawer full of random objects and papers that will never see daylight let alone practical use at all.

Being placed in a holding pattern happens when a person of significant interest expresses interest in you, but they are not ready for a relationship, so they put you in park.  You cannot be with them, but at the same time you are not allowed to move on, either.  And that, for lack of a better word, sucks.

Before I go on I’ll point out that this is remarkably different than being placed in the friend-zone. While a friend-zone places a man in a position to aid, and assist a woman as a friend and friend only, being placed in a holding pattern teases with the aspects of a relationship without ever really solidifying as one. A hold pattern shows INTENT on being with you or at least having you as the man one day, while the friend-zone completely makes nullifies the notion of being a significant other. Most importantly, the friend-zone actually ALLOWS you to move on; the holding pattern does not. The holding pattern has expectations of you. The friend-zone has none.

Those who are willing to put people in holding patterns are also more likely to prefer long distance relationships over close quarter activities. Due to traveling around the world, can say I’ve been there before: the smooth phone calls, the Skypes, even letters by mail. The problem here lies in the fact that the point of intimate relationships is to move forward towards a common goal. One shouldn’t prefer to be kept at a distance; only texting, only talking, no more, nothing progressive.

Are you placed in a holding pattern? Well let’s assess your situation… or, assess YOU. Are you willing to put up with it? If a woman placed you in a holding pattern it’s only your fault that you are there dragging it on in the first place. Perhaps you want that woman too. Maybe you want to believe she’ll get over the baggage that still hangs on her weary shoulders. It’s usually some sort of pain or need of healing that provokes this “please wait ’til I get better and ready” deal. Women who do this to men, actually are very self-reflecting. Some may feel like “they don’t deserve you” yet, but do identify you as a good thing and doesn’t want you to run off. They don’t want you to park your car elsewhere. They don’t want you to find another airport.

But if no one’s putting coin in the meter, your going to get a fine. If you are not able to land your aircraft, you are going to run out of gas. We all lose.

About the baggage though, one thing I note in life is that if that person finds nothing wrong and is comfortable with the conditions that exist (conditions: you stuffed in her back pocket) nothing’s going to change while you are still there. She will most likely fix this red wagon of her’s when you leave, and it’s highly unlikely that you will reap the benefit of it. You stepping off (with finesse and grace, that is) is a part of that healing process.

Keep in mind that women are not the only ones who do this. See this cultural phenomenon called “the side chick”. Keep in mind as a man it’s most expedient to speak from my male perspective. But the side chick thing… yeah, we covered that in detail already.

Photo Credit: Johnny Silvercloud