Dating Labels & Their Importance

Today a lot of people, women in particular, take on roles that they are not happy with or that is outside of their destiny.  When it comes to intimate relationships you can be a jump off, a friend with benefits, a side chick, a cut buddy, or just a straight up hoe.  If you have been misrepresented or unbeknownst to you been labeled as such you are in good company.  Many, many women in search of companionship and intimacy have either been mislead or have willingly attached themselves to a situation in which they are ultimately unhappy with.

Now if you are happy with the status quo and do not care about the labels one way or another then fine but know that men do not usually waiver in their dealings with a person once they have defined or labeled the nature of the relationship.  Another thing is that men usually know immediately what category of their ‘team’ you will play.  Now if you are one of those women who can compartmentalize everything and separate sex, dealings, and labels from emotion then you have no need in reading this article but my guess is that if you are honest with yourself you can’t or at least would like to not have it be a requirement.  With that being said we as women need to know what we should do to weed through the men who are misleading and begin to be at least in the company or vicinity of those men who generally have good intentions for women and view themselves as gentlemen as well as know a woman’s worth.  If you as a woman can look deep into your soul and KNOW that you desire intimacy from a man then you can not at any time be satisfied with being labeled or more importantly treated anything other than what you were designed and destined to be to your mate.

Now here is my disclaimer:  I am NOT saying that if you are married or labeled as a wife you and your mate have arrived or that a level of intimacy has been achieved, but what I am saying is that if you know what you desire you should not settle for less for this is the minimal requirement.  Bad relationships do not have to be labeled but most good ones are and not only that but the label is pleasing to both parties involved.  Ladies it is up to us to know where we stand, to either strive for more, or refuse to be labeled or represented by anything less than what we desire to be. In this New Age millennium; due to the fact that women and their ultimate natural design is constantly being threatened, re-written, and scripted it is now our duty, as burdensome as it can be, to not allow something meant to be beautiful, holy, and sacred to be diminished, downplayed or even taken for granted.

Now you may say “well how can I avoid the harsh labels or better yet find myself in a committed relationship”.  The answer is easy……ask the hard hitters.  Without it being a flat out interview you need to at some point have asked questions like are you married (don’t assume this one even if he doesn’t wear a ring….trust me), who if anyone are you sleeping with, where do you see yourself in the next five years, what type of relationship are you looking for, do you have any children and last but not least when was the last time you were tested?  Asking these questions to an immature little boy who is trying to be sneaky will be a daunting task but if you are asking a mature adult aware of today’s relationship dilemma’s he will respect your inquisitiveness, he may not like it but he will respect it.  He will respect it so much more than you giving yourself to someone or putting yourself on his turf without having so much as done any homework on him, what women don’t know is that real men expect questions and inquisitiveness from real women and if not then you know who or what you are dealing with.  Not only that but men don’t believe in a such thing as lying through omission they only believe that you’ve lied after having been asked, so ask otherwise you may never know.  Unfortunately even the nicest well intentioned guy is not always as forthcoming with his current status, knowing men is knowing that they more often than not keep a pair and a spare it is up to you to know who you are and who you are in relation to him.  A good measuring stick is having to ask in the first place since men are territorial when they like a woman so they will either ask or just let you know that you are their woman.  Believe me all of this may seem juvenile at first but no more than assuming.

My best suggestion is to find all this out during the courtship phase besides you are not just supposed to be sitting in a dark room eating popcorn on a first date, no a first date you two should be somewhere public with little distraction and quiet enough to hold a decent conversation.  I propose to do all these things several times and to know most importantly what he is looking for and what he is open to because believe it or not a lot of males just date for the sport while a lot of females date for a means to an end.  Now again if you are one of those self proclaimed liberated women do not take heed but if a mate and a mate involving intimacy is what you are in search for know that conversation, coupled by righteous action, as obvious as it seems really is the key.

It is my personal experience that all of this interaction, questioning and a level of emotional attachment from both sides be achieved prior to sex therefore you know first hand what you are getting into and can make a more informed decision as to whether you would like to take it further leading to less resentment, bruised egos, or fractured self esteems.  I have found out a lot about people by asking what would seem to me to be something to be forthcoming about but men or just people are different.  Therefore do not be deceived if you are not asking the hard hitters you increase your chances of being disappointed.  Now you may be saying well that doesn’t help me because people lie, well ok, it is possible that a person will mislead you but it is also very likely that at the very least you will find out where you stand. Asking questions doesn’t guarantee anything nor does it let you off the hook, his actions need to confirm what he says but wouldn’t you rather walk away from a situation knowing as half of the equation you did your part.  Knowing that you have done your part releases you from possibly feeling taken advantage of and puts a lot of your personal power right where it belongs….with you.  So again ladies we have to do our homework and can not be satisfied with the status quo there just isn’t any room for it and if anybody suggests you walk in blind faith he is either a playa or a person without any emotional intelligence either way we have to stop straddling the fence on these issues and begin to take accountability where needed (no worries men have things to be accountable for also, more on this to come).

So now having read this article if you are not in a relationship you are dating and weeding them out.  There are plenty of loopholes and people who do not have your best interest at heart YOU have your best interest at heart until you meet the one person for you to spend quality time with.  But again do not be deceived being a ‘girlfriend’ (monogamous relationship) is the bare minimum and the first step to a intimate relationship and now we can see plainly how labels like jump off, cut buddy, side chick, and friends with benefits (the silent killer as I like to call it) have no place in our lives.  Till next time friends.

Onyx Contributor:  Mahogany Jones