Memoirs of A (Reluctant) Sidechick

With the recent popularizing of the role of ‘Side Chick’, I feel compelled to come forth with side chick stories of my own, for contribution to ‘Side Chick Awareness Month’ (I made that up).

A total of three times, I’ve been unknowingly placed in the role of side chick. From commiserating with my social media cohorts (male and female), I’ve realized that the role of ‘side chick’ or ‘side d*ck’ is not one of rarity.  So in the spirit of the continuing and ever so popular “Year of the Side Chick“, I chose to share my story (stories).  For the most part it’s ironic with a lot of “Well, duh” moments, but I’ve lived it, so why not share? 😉

My first ever experience being a side chick, I recall as if it were yesterday.  I was 19, and I met this really cool guy on Twitter who happened to live down the street…(Let’s call him “Bartholomew”, why? Because that name makes me giggle)…Eventually we met up in person and hanging out became an everyday/all day thing.  Every day I would drive to his grandmother’s or sister’s house whom he was staying with at the time and we spent all day, usually until the early morning together.  Bartholomew and I eventually evolved into “Us”.  I met his daughter, his sister, nephews and friends.  I somewhat adored him.  I knew he wasn’t EXACTLY on the “up and up”, being that I had never heard him mention a job before, but I felt like I shouldn’t be one to judge.

Eventually Bartholomew approached me and asked me to be a model.  He wanted to get into promotions and thought I would be a perfect fit.  Of course Bartholomew would be my manager, hooking me up with potential jobs and helping me network, blah blah blah. Eventually I obliged.  We spent even more time together.  We networked on the ‘net, we traveled to ATL for photo shoots, worked out together, and he introduced me to a bunch of people…

Unfortunately that did not include his (pregnant) girlfriend at the time.

She found my Twitter, we got into contact…BOOM, I find out she’s carrying another one of his children (I didn’t even know he had ANOTHER BM before her).

This was the message with some editing to protect the innocent 😉

    Hello (Finesse).  I have known about you and (Bartholomew) for a while now and I have been praying that one day he would change his ways and settle down but after today I have realized that I have finally had enough.  You can have him.  I can’t deal with it anymore.  I hope that you never have to go through what I have went through with him or with any man.  I hope that you never have to experience what it is like to have your home torn apart by another woman.  I know he is a great person, but please do not give your heart to him because he will only end up breaking it.  His other baby mother tried to warn me but I didn’t listen and now I am stuck raising a baby on my own.  So just be careful and protect your body and your heart. Take care.

Evidently, I had even been over to her apartment before, where he “lived”.  He of course told me it wasn’t like that, all the while now encouraging me not to say certain things on Twitter because he was now under a microscope.

What really shocked me about the entire situation is that I honestly had no clue.  His social networking never mentioned anyone in “that” context.  He spent an absurd amount of time with me, I never had to “hide” anything until after his woman made herself known.  All I COULD do was take this experience and file this under the “L” column.

I can say that I learned from this experience, and it didn’t all necessarily have to do with relationships….

–  Never, ever, ever trust a grown man who does not have any discernible job or place of residence.  (You are 26, why do you not have a job, but you have kids?)

–  Trust your instincts!  If something feels amiss, it very well may be!  Instincts and intuition is what has kept humans alive since their existence, don’t deny the signs!

–  Social media in the hands of the right person can reveal all

–  In case you are not provided another sign or happen to miss them before it’s too late…ALWAYS CYA.  Cover Your Ass.

Of course, I say I learned a lesson, but did I REALLY learn how to not get caught up like this again?  Nope!  Tune in next time for my “Memoirs”!

Until Next Time…

Onyx Contributor:  Finesse Apprvd

Photo credit:  Thomas Hawk