Ghetto Names

STOP naming your child these ridiculous ghetto ass names!


…and any other ridiculous combination of letters you can randomly put together to generate a name!

I would love to say that I just made up this list of names…I really would.  Truth is, I DIDN’T!  These are real names given to real children by real ghetto ass parents.  How else can one explain this foolishness here.  It’s like somebody was playing scrabble & just grabbed a handful of random letters, tossed them on the ground, & decided to let fate do the naming for them.  These parents should be slapped for thinking these names are cute.  Instead, these horrible names are setting these kids up failure…as I shall explain.

Ghetto Names = Failure In Most Instances

The only black person I can think of with a ghetto ass name that has gone on to be extremely successful in life is Condoleezza Rice, former United States Secretary of State to President George W. Bush.  Whoever came up with the name Condoleezza must have been on one that night.  Fortunately, she managed to rise to top in our society regardless of how ghetto sounding her name is.  Unfortunately, the same can’t & will not be said for damn near every child given a ghetto name in society.  Most of these children will probably grow up understanding full well how ‘unique’ their name is and do everything in their power to live up to the adjective of ghetto.

Take the list of names I provided above…what professional calling can you see these people having later in life?  Can you picture yourself sitting in a doctors office one day & someone speaking over the intercom system saying, “Paging Dr. Obamaneisha Johnson, paging Dr. Obamaneisha Johnson.”  Or how about watching a commercial for a law office & someone saying, “Visit the offices of Toprameneesha Jankins, Attorney at Law.”  What about, “Ladies & Gentleman, I present to you the First Lady of the United States, Mrs. Bonkwikwi Obama.”  NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN….EVER!

Using this same list of names I provided above, I will give you a list of statements you are more likely to hear in reference to these names:

  • “Alright fellas, time to get those 1s ready!  Coming to the stage, Strippers-Iz-Dem presents, the one, the only….Dizziona!”
  • “Oh shit, oh shit…is that Bon’Quisha fighting Ickashae?!  Get the camera nigga!  WORLDSTAR!!!”
  • “When it comes to the baby of Sharkeisha…Ray Ray…you are NOT the father!”

Think I’m lying?  Go out and find one random ass baby with a ghetto name.  Print this article out & laminate it.  Save it.  35 years later, find that same child with that ghetto name & see if they turn out to be the First Lady or even the President….I’ll wait.

YES, I’m mostly describing the names of girls simply because these little girls tend to carry the most ghetto & uniquely spelled names as compared to boys.  Boys tend to develop ghetto nicknames like Pookie, Ray Ray, Junebug, or Petey Pee.  I’m strictly talking about the government name that was spelled out on a child’s birth certificate.  More often one is likely to find an ultra ghetto name for a baby girl than a baby boy.  Parents who dish out these ghetto names think these names are cute & different.  I can understand not naming your child Susie, Mary, Becky, or any other apple pie American sounding name.  But that still doesn’t mean you should just make up shit for the sake of making shit up just be ‘different’.  You’re not different, your ignorant, and you are setting that child up for a lifetime of ig-nant shit.

We’ve all heard the saying “first impressions are everything”.  If that’s true, which I believe it is, then do your child a favor and spare them from the awkward encounters they are going to have later in life from their friends, teachers, significant others, & future employers when people meet them for the first time & try to figure out how in the hell do they pronounce their name.

One thing black folks love to do is talk about how the white man loves to prejudge & stereotype black folks.  Well, some of us encourage the white man to do it simply through our own actions.  If you walk into a store and you automatically think you are being followed, chances are you are going to start acting suspicious just because YOU THINK you are being followed.  What’s going to happen next, the store owner is going to peep your awkward behavior AND probably start following you even if he had no intentions of profiling or stereotyping you.  The same thing applies to naming your children these ghetto ass names.  If you name your child Congratulashayla (another real name) and she grows up thinking people are going to judge her by her name…chances are she is going to go through life conducting herself as if she is already being judged (which she is), so she may as well play the part.  So when people approach her, before they even learn her name, she will start acting ridiculously ghetto all because she assumes that’s how she will be viewed once they learn her name.

Why set your kids up for failure from the start?  Give them a decent proper name.  Being unique & different does not require one to become ghetto.  Yes, I know kids with decent names can and will grow up ghetto as well.  It’s just, they don’t exit the womb getting hit with, “WTF kind of name is this?!” from the start of their life as child with a name like La-a (pronounced La’Dasha…YES ANOTHER REAL NAME!).  The madness has to stop people.

What is the most ghetto name you’ve ever heard given to a child?  Children with ghetto names, what do you think their future prospects in life shall be?  Is it harder for these kids with ultra ghetto names to not be stereotyped as opposed to children with regular decent sounding names?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

Your favorite mulatto.


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