The Brick, the Victim, and the Desired

The Perpetual Victim (The Codependent)

If the “Independent Woman” is a flying brick, the “Codependent Woman” is a crawling victim. I call these “Cling-ons” because of their habit of, well, clinging on.  Codependency is a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another.  It refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.  It also often involves placing a lower priority on one’s own needs.  Codependency can be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.  Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually abusive types seems to be the natural magnets of women with this behavior.

Everyone needs to depend on one another, but codependency is a pathological problem you might exactly see at first.  Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, but you will notice it when you begin the realize that it’s impossible to urk them, frustrate them, or otherwise piss them off.  These people will take extreme levels of abuse.  Typically, codependent folks are quick to self-martyr themselves for relationship.  They constantly put others’ needs before their own and in doing so neglect to take care of themselves.  This creates a sense that they are “needed”; they cannot stand the thought of being alone.  I cannot refrain from emphasizing how abusers love keeping them around; it’s practically Stockholm Syndrome in a relationship.  When it comes to arguments, codependent people tend to set themselves up as the “victim”, and when they do stand up for themselves, they feel guilty.  In fact, it’s easy to guilt-trip these types.  This is the precise reason why abusive men LOVE codependent women; once the abusive uses projection, the codependent’s guilt does the rest of the job for him.

In addition, these are the ones who, after talking about their problems, leaves you wondering are they a glutton for punishment.  They are frighteningly comfortable in their victim-zone.  Other than the pathological aspect of it, half the time they are fully cognizant of the abusive situation and it’s the common talking points when you meet with this friend.  The other times, they are low-balled; the abuser “promises” to change, but by the time she realizes he didn’t change she has a cognitive dissonance and has built more reasons (either real or empty) to stay.  These types tend to be addicts of something, attention, alcohol or drugs come to mind, but the addictive nature in them usually manifest as “sex addict”.  To a normal guy, the “impossible to piss off” factor in this one may make him feel like she’s a Cling-on Stalker.  And that’s a safe bet.

While this isn’t a healthy condition, there is good news; there is an acute awareness of this and there are anonymous groups for her. I’m serious, seek help for you or a friend that suffers from this.

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