Dear Bag Men…

Dear Bag Men,

I will preface this with the fact that I LOVE men.  I am not of the persuasion that “All” or even a majority of men “ain’t shit”.  As a matter of fact I believe that often in relationships between men and women, if something doesn’t work out it isn’t necessarily that the person was wrong, but rather that the relationship wasn’t RIGHT (I will expand upon this idea in another post).


As I scroll down my newsfeed on Facebook, skim through the waves of tweets from #BlackTwitter and pour over endless memes from Instagram, I begin to see a recurring trend:  “Ain’t no good women left!!! They all single or gay!”

This is an ironic trend being that for years now I have dealt with the “Women think all men ain’t shit” stereotypes and about the same number of times I’ve heard “Well, what is it about you that attracts these ‘ain’t shit men’?”  Now that men are the ones “bitching” (pun intended), the comments are drastically different.

“Yeah man, these hoes be actin’ up”
“True, these hoes ain’t shit”

Why are the answers suddenly different now that men are in their feelings about their failed attempts at relationships?  Personally, I am not going to stand by and only THINK what the rest of your Facebook friends should be SAYING:

“Dude, It’s completely, utterly and undeniably YOU!

That’s right, I said it.  YOU sir, attract the A-Z’s of the “Morally Questionable Women Universe” and then have the unmitigated GALL to get on Facebook and woman bash.  Let me let you in on a secret:  The good women of the universe see you on Facebook, peppering your commentary on females with all kinds of “Bitches and Hoes”.  We see you “liking” all the twerk videos, we see how you talk about the mother of your child.  You think every woman but your mother is a skank.  You don’t know loyalty.  You are so caught up in your past that you can’t see the future…You are the male equivalent of a “Bag Lady”……


If a relationship is akin to a full-time job with sex , love and commitment being the payment and benefits, guess what?  You didn’t even make the interview.  Chances are, you’ve been scoped out.  We’ve checked your references, we’ve done a background check but what put the nail in the coffin is your complaining.  We don’t want any part of that.  Any self respecting woman would NOT want a part of it.  In fact the only woman that would want to stick around while you work through your pseudo-issues is the type of woman that thinks she’s different by her mere existence, and thus is immune to your views on women.

I say all this not because I dislike men, but because a lot of you have the potential to make a great boyfriend to someone.  You have ambitions, you’re smart, carry yourself well, you’re a great pick.  Except for the fact that you are “Salt Lake City” when it comes to women and you just have no way to let it go.  I love you, and I want you to be HAPPY, but you cannot do that when you are standing in your own way.  You need to get out more if you think ALL or even MOST women aren’t worth anything.  Seriously, get off the internet and go actually meet people.  Go for a walk in the park, go to a library or book store, go to church.  DO SOMETHING.  Sitting around commiserating with the other Bag Men of the world will do nothing but cause you to get into the permanent mindset that women are horrible.

And so, Dearest Bag Man I wanted to remind you….

Just like no one wants a bitter woman, a bitter man is unbearable.  If you tend to run into “Ain’t Shit” women, it’s not because “Women ain’t shit”.  It’s just you.  Now are you going to do something about it?

 Best Wishes,
Onyx Contributor:  Finesse Apprvd

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  1. Tucker

    February 2, 2014 at 11:45 am

    I definitely see your point here, an awful lot of men have a difficult time with their feelings as well as their role in what they end up attracting. Yet act surprised when being held accountable for those twerk videos, late night jump offs as well as all the overall bad decisions they have made in the women they choose.

    • Finesse Apprvd

      February 2, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      I feel the key is to do a REAL assessment of yourself and the relationships you are involved in. We always want to place blame on someone else, when in reality, the person may not have been any good FOR you, or vice versa

      Instead of acknowledging that, we go “Oh, he/she was x,yand z,…EFF THEM!” lol

  2. The Bigger Picture

    February 2, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    Yes, it’s about it’s been said. The same thing applies; us men have been saying that for years in regards to women’s poor selection, but sometimes we don’t give ourselves the same critical eye.

    Good article, and good picture selection!

    • Finesse Apprvd

      February 2, 2014 at 1:37 pm

      Thank you!

      I think it’s always easier to see things when it’s someone else receiving the scrutiny.

      That in conjunction with the same people cosigning on the “bitterness”?
      One can easily begin to think they are blameless when it comes to the opposite sex o.O

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