Essence Magazine Uses Old Article to Bait Gender War

By:  Asher Primus

Media loves baiting black men to look like self-hating coons because they either are not (currently) dating black women or some random troll goes on a misogynist rant.

On an early Wednesday morning Essence’s Facebook page posted a 2015 article on why black men do not approach black women.  (The article has since been taken down).

Here comes the animosity from people we do not know over topics that are relatable in real life.  Come on, I have never met a black man who said he doesn’t approach black women.  Again, this is why black men need their own platforms to counter the nonsense from women run magazines.

As for the article shared by Essence, I am not surprised it was written by matchmakers.  Black matchmakers give the worst advice.  Does anyone remember Shae Primus who suggested black female professionals should date bisexual men?  The dating game is not even that bad to go so low for the sake of love.

These editors and contributors are only looking to get shares and likes.  They know that black women venting their vulnerability on their perception of being a woman, black, dark-skinned and opinionated attracts a fanbase, profit or legitimizes their interracial relationship.

The dark cult circles that black feminist love to recreate are unnecessary.  Black men do not hate or avoid black women, but our standards should not make us coons.

Here are the categories that Essence tried to expose about black men’s dating habits:

We (Black Women) Don’t Seem As “Fun”

Black men are not afraid of the so-called “independent” black woman, we actually appreciate a woman who can do for herself.

Some guys like how it works for their wallet as they save money and build on each others’ careers.  ‘”Independent” has become a dirty word in the black community, but honestly black men are not going to avoid black women, as if we are going to look over classy and educated black women for hoodrats or women who have nothing to contribute into their own well-being.  Being independent or whatever title women like to use do not mean she is not fun.  What happens is that most guys did not catch the hint.  Women always make time for the guys they like and the response from men that was surveyed by the matchmakers were probably those who were rejected.  I have seen black women juggle two jobs, family, school and a social life; so if a man does not find himself between her schedule then she is not that into him.

We (Black women) Look Like We Can’t Be Bothered

Some black women do carry a mug that looks intimidating, but it’s a subconscious gesture that they carry.  Once the ice is broken, black men realize that they are not so bad as perceived.  It has happened to me many times, so I try not to judge anyone like that, even people have felt the same way before officially getting to know me.

We (Black Women) “Don’t Offer Enough Support”

I cannot completely agree or disagree with the notion that black women do not support black men or that black men get more support from other races of women.  The most likely theory is that black women are more supportive towards black men in careers or platforms that are black-centered.  Hence, you see the most attractive black women in support of their men if they are an athlete, a rapper or a gang member.  If you are a black man who is entering fields that cater to or is dominated by whites, as a result, black women may show little interest.  It is like comparing the “babes” at a spelling bee versus homecoming.  A similar situation happened to me, when I was working on a documentary for my senior project.  I was pleased with myself. I contributed to the design and as a stagehand for the school play.  I wanted my black female friends to at least see it even if they were not into plays.  No one I talked to showed up, it did bother me, but a play that other than a Tyler Perry-flick or one that has a popular black lead is not going to collect a strong black crowd.  As I said before, women always make time.  So if she does not show up, then she is not that into you.

We’re “More Inhibited’ Sexually

Yes, black men may shame “slutty” behaviors, but they hate it and envy it when attractive women give up the “kitty” to men whom they feel are beneath their social status.  This is why I do not take Black MGTOW or any pro-black group led by an egotistical man seriously as they shame women that they wish they could be with.  They may talk a good game in wanting women covered, but once a black woman says she does not perform oral or threesomes, then these same slut-shaming men come through calling her lame.  It is want they wanted, but even self-proclaimed “educated lames” want a hot and spicy sex life.

We Want What We Want

At times black women confuse preferences with standards.  What bothers most men is height.  Shortness comes off as emasculating.  It is hard for men to assert power through a Napoleon Complex.  I have never ran across a black woman who is expecting to date a man who makes 6-figures.  I do not blame women for not being interested in dating broke men.  Dating is about prestige.  If she feels she has more to lose than gain, then she will leave for someone else who is above her and your level.

Our Friendliness is Often Misunderstood

I do not think black women should fear being desperate, it’s really men who have to sacrifice their well-being in the journey to becoming alpha male.  There is a catch-22, the matchmakers say men get too friendly when black women say “hello” in a non-romantic manner, yet it sparks jealousy as other races of women use “hello” to get what they want.  Well if black men just ignored black women completely even if they say “hello”, it would offend black women more as they assume their dark-skinned repels black men away.

We Put the “Pressure” On

Honestly, I cannot relate to this one.  Most black women are not pressuring themselves for marriage.  This concept seems like one for black romantic comedy cliche.

The Point of It All:  What Now?

And this is what I hate about the article, it has two titles with one negative and the other passive.  The negative title, “Top 7 Reasons Why Single Black Men Don’t Approach Black Women” is for clicks and scrolling.  Not too far there is a subtitle with a different meaning, “Professional Matchmakers Reveal Why Some of Their Black Male Clients Feel Intimidated by Black Women.”  Using the phrase, “don’t approach” implies arrogance, while intimidated implies weakness.  So it sums up that black men who are single or not with black women are arrogant weak-minded men who want a woman to dominate and run over.

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