Of Passion and Priorities, Part II

I’m writing this post a little over two years after the original.  Sadly, things haven’t changed much.  Maybe things have gotten worse…actually.  The first one was written way before finishing my second novel and before my podcast, Southern Soulcast, was even an idea.  Currently, my most recent dating stories unfortunately followed the same path…initial excitement and support for my dreams, hobbies, and hustle before the complaints about not enough quality time or not being my top priority.

Bottom line, I’m a boring dude now…I guess.  That is how it may be perceived by others…I guess.  That’s my fault; I’ll admit it.  I choose to write novels, blog, host a podcast, and occasionally pursue woodworking.  What can I say?  I love being creative.  Being creative gives my life some sense of fulfillment when sometimes the world (including my 9 to 5) brings more stress than joy.  Sometimes that creativity gets in the way of my social life and dating life.

Let me say it another way.  My current mindset would rather get caught up in finishing another chapter of a book, putting another coat of polyurethane on a recently finished DIY project, or listening to music while brainstorming future podcast topics.  Going to the club or people watching at a restaurant doesn’t seem as exciting anymore.  I spent several years “doing it big”, per se, and the good times experienced don’t come close to what I feel you see when a picture of something I created is in someone’s house, or the inspirational inbox message stating that my latest podcast brightened someone’s day.

How does this pertain to my dating life though?  It’s hard to explain to someone who’s never felt their head spinning with ideas as you walk through Home Depot until feeling light-headed, or three hours passed, and you forgot to do something (like eat, sleep, make a phone call, etc.) because a thread you follow on Pinterest inspired you to do something new.  Basically, that is my life currently, and it takes a special person to roll with that and rock with me.  Maybe I’m selfish…

I never intend to make someone feel less than special or second to my creative desires, but it unintentionally happens…sometimes.  My scattered focus on multiple projects sometimes gets in the way of focusing on setting up a restaurant reservation for someone special.  I may be a lil more tired than expected every Friday after spending hard days at work and long nights creating.  Again, it’s not intentional; I just get caught up in process as time escapes unapologetically.

When meeting someone new, I always give the warning, “Listen, I am a busy person.  There are times that I will not be available or stuck in the house trying something.  I am always tired…always.”  They usually understand, but I realize more and more that I am being selfish in expecting people to continue to understand.  I still hate the phrase, “People make time for the things they want.”  I still think that it is half-true and not without a few contingent things that come with it.

I pose the same paradox that I posed two years ago in that it is difficult to balance creative passion and maintaining passion with someone special.  I saw a meme recently that stated “if you want a rich man, find a busy man”…or something like that.  Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem stepping away for a little cuddle time or staying up late during the week to finish mixing a podcast so I can give a woman my undivided attention on Saturday.  That is considering both are going to bring about something beautiful and not be a waste of time.  Do you know what I mean?

I remember a particular young lady honestly told me that I was too busy for her.  I was like, “Cool.”  Then I asked her a question in response, “So if my books were made into movies, and I was busy getting ready for the premier, would I be too busy for you?”  Instantly, without blinking, she said, “Oh, that’s different.”  She caught the fucked-uped-ness of her statement and tried to backpedal, but it was too late.  Suddenly, taking care of my kids and building my brand (in terms of taking away quality time from her) didn’t seem so bad to her because money and success would overshadow my efforts in that example…if I made it.  All of that instead of being supportive in my road to get there.

I know you may say, “Dante, then why date?”  Well, two things… First, I will quote the Mali Music song that I posted in the original post, “It’s no fun alone.”  Second, the successes (whether minor or major) seem sweeter and the failures (whether minor or major) aren’t as painful when someone is there to see your growth, pick you up when down, and push you forward when you get too complacent.

The aspiration to find someone who meets “my criteria” does not necessitate the need to settle.  I keep pushing on my path, focused on the desired outcomes, wishing that someone joins me for the ride.  To say it another way, I’ll keep it pushing with my passions until I find someone supportive who becomes a priority as well.

Maybe I’m really selfish…maybe.

 

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  • Tiffany Monique

    This really hit home. I guess I’m selfish as well but I would rather be selfish and striving to build my dream than complacent and keep helping someone build theirs. Great post

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