An interesting post came across my FB timeline today from a woman named Kandii Gabrielle in reference to the picture below of 2 white women…
Sometimes I read threads similar to this on social media and applaud women for expressing their minds & wanting to be taken more seriously in life than being viewed as a sexual object. Good for you. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Matter of fact, everybody (men & women) should strive to be viewed as more than a sexual object or whatever random stereotype is imposed upon their demographic. But when it comes to women of all varieties, I don’t know of a single guy walking the planet who doesn’t view women as potentially sexual objects prior to getting to know that woman beyond her physical looks. Any man telling you different is lying…or gay.
Since I’ve been married almost 11 years now & been with my wife for almost 13 years, I’m going to attempt to reflect back to my life as a single man out there living that single life. Back in the day when I was living that single man life of no wife, no children, big rims, fresh kicks and outfits for days, club hopping, corona bottle popping, all up in the clubs or the mall or wherever looking to be seen to impress people I could honestly give a damn about…my first thoughts when encountering a woman I deemed physically attractive was purely sexual in nature period. Nothing more, nothing less. If I saw a slim waste & fat ass making its way towards me that gave me some eye contact & smile as confirmation to approach, I was going in to lace this woman with a crisp mouthpiece in hopes of getting the digits for some future late night convos, dates, & some sex. That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I can’t recall a time where I ever was walking through the mall or wherever & saw a female stranger whose strength, charismatic personality, intelligent mind, or any other non-physical non-sexual trait just radiated from her presence to make me wanna step to find out more about her purely on an intellectual basis. Some women are probably reading this and saying, “Why are you even stepping to her in the first place?! Leave her alone! STREET HARASSMENT!” My response is simple: I’ll just have to be a street harasser who steps up to women I find attractive that give me the vibes that it’s cool to step to her. Truth be told, that’s how I met my wife…literally ran up to her on the street and spoke…almost 13 years together, coming up on 11 years of marriage & 2 kids later, we’re doing the happily ever after married thing strong. But I digress….
So women do not want to be seen as objects. Cool. I got it. I understand. But ladies, that’s not the real world. Meaning most men are not initially attracted to a woman’s brain or personality upon the first encounter. Most of us are attracted to physical features first & foremost. It’s been that way since forever & shall continue to be that way. Most of us learn to become attracted to a woman’s personality & smarts after the initial attraction towards ass, boobs, thighs or whatever grants us access beyond the physical to discover the real you. The real you is what ultimately determines if we place you in the “I just wanna fuck” or the “I would really like to get to know her better” category. That’s how most of us think. There is no real heavy science or reasoning to this shit. Any guy that tries to provide you some long winded social media dissertation on the thought process of a man when it comes to a man’s initial attraction to a woman is full of shit….or gay.
So to address this post about this Black man posting that tweet stating “Who needs black girls anymore?”, sure as a Black woman I would imagine that statement being highly offensive. I get it. But let’s not pretend like you didn’t know this about most Black men to begin with. Let’s stop pretending like you didn’t know that most Black men are attracted to ass, ass, & more ass. Let’s stop pretending like you didn’t know a lot of Black men have fetishes for white women with big asses. Let’s stop pretending like you just came to realize that damn near every man you will ever meet in life is more than likely going to be checking you out in sexual nature first before he actually gets to know you beyond the attraction. Let’s just stop pretending already. Can we do that? Sure you may find one or two heterosexual guys who will say the complete opposite of everything I just said, but let’s stop pretending like you don’t know those niggas are full of shit too.
Now just because the vast majority of men walking the planet objectify women to a degree based upon physical attractiveness doesn’t necessarily mean all men are evil pigs out for one thing & one thing only. It just means that we are men who are naturally attracted to a certain physical characteristic on a woman plain & simple. Like for me, I like fat asses. Every time I’m out and about and a nice Georgia peach walks my way, I’m sorry (not sorry), but I’m going to admire it and thank the heavens above for putting me in the right place at the right time to catch a glimpse of those yams as they stroll past my way. Am I objectifying the woman with the Georgia peaches? Sure. Do I have any plans of getting to know that woman beyond me admiring her yams? More than likely no. Does she know I’m objectifying her at the point in time? Probably, who knows. I find it rather hard to believe a woman who wears a certain outfit highlighting a certain feature that she knows a particular group of men are attracted to the most is not purposely objectifying herself as a sort of self-esteem boost. And if me admiring the yams helps her to feel better about herself, then who am I to not oblige.
But anyways, I said all of that to say this ladies…
Hate it or love it, most men are not attracted to your strength, mind, personality, and all of the other invisible traits that we as humans have yet to develop alien-like senses to gauge through a form of telepathy. If we are two strangers passing by on the street or wherever, most men are not interested in anything about you beyond your physical looks to determine if they are attracted to you. If we do deem you attractive and the feeling is mutual to where you give us permission to step to you, THEN we will proceed to exploring what your mind, strength, & personality is all about. Once we get there, THEN we will proceed to figure out how to properly categorize you. But you know what, let’s stop pretending like women do not do the exact same thing to men. Most women aren’t about to let an unattractive man just speak to them out of the blue. If you say you do, you are full of shit. But my point is, this is what human beings do. We objectify people all of the time based off physical looks. You can get on social media and cry all day long about men only checking for you because you may have a nice ass, but I guarantee the day you go out into the real world and NO MAN is admiring your nice ass, most of you will be right back on social media crying and complaining trying to figure out why no man is admiring your nice ass. Don’t be mad because a guy is attracted to your ass FIRST. That’s just human nature. You should be more concerned about his thought process AFTER his initial attraction has calmed down. Then you can determine if the label “fuck boy” shall be applied to him….as we shall determine which label shall be applied to you as well: “She has an amazing personality, I would really like to get to know her”……….OR…….