Desmond Tutu said, “If we are going to see real development in the world then our best investment is women.” I would like to modify that quote and make it relevant to our race by saying, “If we are going to see real change in the Black community then our best asset is our women.” Some may disagree with that statement and question why I, a black man, would seem to want to empower our black sisters above my fellow brothers. That’s not it at all. I am one that always calls for my fellow brothers to stand up in their households, their occupations, and their communities to secure our places as kings instead of stereotypes. Let’s explore my reasoning for my statement.
Do you ever think why Jheri curls were once cool, and now they are not? I am not a fad hairstyle historian, but I would bet it would have something to do with the fact that women who once thought it was cool no longer do. Imagine a brother alone sitting at a bar getting his “Soul Glo” on. Ladies, ask yourself….would you give him your number regardless of how he looks? Probably not. Fellows, ask yourself….would you grow out your hair right now and “Let Your Soul Glo”? Probably not if you want the ladies to not pass you by…LOL.
I know, I know. Get to the point, right. Today’s society is filled with images of our young men flashing their affluence, whether deep or not, for the social acceptance of their associates as well as the attention of the baddest or willing females in the place. Some flood their desires, and empty their wallets, with grandeur goals of getting more stuff and attracting more attention….mainly from the female race. Being tough seems to be more attractive. A typical topic in a lot of today’s rap/hip hop is the braggadocious procuring of women and the ability to spend that cheese, guap, cream…money on them. The word bitch is commonly spewed out so much by disrespectful dudes that it has lost its shock value. It wouldn’t be such a burning point with me if more and more young men (black men especially) didn’t aim to be just as “ballariffic” or disrespectful, per se.
Just maybe, some of us are subconsciously acting on our deeply ingrained animalistic instincts to be more striking to the opposite sex kinda like a peacock spreading its feathers in front of a possible mate or a lion showing his dominance over others to secure his chance of passing on his genetics. On the flip side, maybe there is an animalistic instinct among women to seek the ones that are flashier and fancier with minor regard to the substance behind it. Has the need for women to be protected and taken care of been translated to the desire for some of our young men to flaunt money and possibly use illegal ways to get it?
In a world dominated by Instagram hotties and Love and Hip Hop bad bitches, what’s a young brother to do? If you want to fit in, you gots to get it in! Right? Maybe? Not really?
Now, I am not clowning on the brothers who are “pouring it up” in VIP sections in the “Insert Name Here” Bar and Lounge instead of investing it in some account. (It ain’t tricking if you got it…right?) Hell, I have done my fair share of “doing it big” myself. I will apply my aforementioned theory stated in the title to some of our derogatory stereotypes that plague us. For example, how would we be if our sistas were against sagging and/or skinny jeans? What if the brother that was not handling his fatherhood duties never got any play from the ladies? What if the corny or intelligent dudes not slanging and banging became the ladies’ men instead of the “ruffnecks”? Hmmm…..
Honestly, I was the nerdy guy in school that had desires of being successful therefore I worked hard in school and plotted my LEGAL hustles along the way. I am no better than anyone else who worked hard or hustled in their respective ways nor do I look down on those who took other paths. No, I am not hating because I wasn’t the cool jock or the big man on campus. There is no blame game here…this is just a theory. Getting that disclaimer out of the way, I’ll continue…
Let me break it down in a different way. If ladies held themselves to a different standard when it comes to dating instead of looking for the dollar signs or the arm candy that only looks sweet on the outside… If scholastic ambition was just as sexy as another’s athletic potential to making it to the NBA (maybe). LOL…if the guys with straight As got more pussy… If those things (and others) occurred, men would be using those traits instead of the “bad boy” traits to attract women. There would be less sagging of jeans and more tying of bow ties. There would be a natural gravitation to studying hard because Trina (the girl name used in all of my stories) loves guys that love science. LOL. What if scenarios like this starting occurring more often? Would there be minor breaks in the vicious cycle of the so-called “jail cycle”…bullshit… therefore inadvertently elevating us? Possibly? I don’t know, it sounds good to talk about, and I have plenty of times (shared this theory) with some of my close female friends. Most agree.
Of course this probably won’t stop the rest of the world from seeing us (Black men) how they perceive us, but there may be some validity to my commentary. That wouldn’t necessarily stopped racism or police brutality. Maybe it would slow down folks from calling us all thugs…maybe.
So ladies, hold yourself to a higher (and realistic) standard. Don’t chase waterfalls or deal with so-called scrubs. Don’t go all raw dawg with the cat that has multiple children that he doesn’t (or can’t) take care of, then get mad when he impregnates you. Give the guy a second glance who has his outfit nicely put together and not the guy that is sagging the same jeans he wore yesterday. At the same time, there is a difference between a man going through a hard time compared to the man who doesn’t try to make his situation any less hard…remember that too, ladies.
With all of the controversial and sad crap going on in the world, I honestly think that the consciousness of our people is elevating. I give two thumbs up to the Jesse Williams speeches and the Kendrick Lamar verses that may touch those not getting it, but in theory…my theory…our sistas can help us all turn the tide by demanding better. Just my opinion….