I’m a Black man in my mid 30s, married, 2 kids, a mortgage, paid off cars & a motorcycle, money in the bank, college educated, STEM professional, credit score above 800, & I have an opinion. An opinion that often gets me labeled as a sexist, a misogynist, a Black woman hater…you name it, I’ve been called it. But you know what? I’m cool with that. To be honest, I have no desire to debate or disprove these beliefs some people may have in regards to me.
I’m a provider, protector, leader, & head of my household. The success or failure of my family in our abilities to fulfill our goals in life ultimately rest upon my shoulders & my shoulders alone. This is a responsibility I gladly accepted the day I asked my girlfriend to marry me & to eventually become the mother of our 2 sons. This is who I was taught to be by my father. This is who I am today. This is who I shall be tomorrow and every day after. This is who I shall teach our 2 sons to be as well. This is what real men are supposed to do period.
I’m not the type of man to let a woman lead in the relationship. I’ve never dated a woman who wanted to lead. I don’t have any women in my family that have maintained longterm successful relationships to where the woman has lead. I don’t have any female friends that I’ve known since high school and/or college that have maintained happy, healthy, longterm relationships with men where she was the leader, provider, & protector of the relationship. I don’t know of any single women who are looking for a man that they can lead & prove to him that she wears the pants. I simply do not exist in a reality as to where women who try to take on the role of the man wind up with happy longterm relationships. In my 30+ years of life, I’ve yet to come across one.
Depends upon who you ask. More than likely the people who label me as such are the exact opposite of the type of person I have described in regards to myself. If a woman honestly takes offense to a man leading, providing, & protecting then she’ll label me a sexist & misogynist. If a guy honestly feels comfortable with allowing his woman lead, be the ultimate provider & protector then of course he’ll label me the same. People who feel like a man should be 100% equal in every way to a woman or share 100% of the exact same responsibilities in developing & growing a healthy relationship…I simply cannot relate to & I have no desire to relate to these people at all. So sure, I guess I’ll continue to live my life as a sexist misogynistic pig who believes in taking charge & leading my family to the best life I can possibly give them.
Truth be told, I prefer for my wife to be the main person in the kitchen. Why, because she’s a better cook than me. If you ever have the chance to taste my cooking side by side with hers, you’ll agree as well. I do prefer my wife to be pregnant which is why we both decided to do the married couple thing of procreating. Now that we have 2 kids, we’re pretty much done with the pregnancy aspect. Barefoot? I prefer for my wife to wear whatever she feels comfortable wearing on her feet in the house I bought for her & pay the mortgage on. And you know what…my wife is cool with that. As a matter of fact, I don’t know of too many women in successful relationships with a man that aren’t cool with that.
Actually my wife is employed, has her own money, has her own goals and I support her. If it were completely up to me, my wife wouldn’t have to work at all. She would have the option to be a stay-at-home mother or the option to pursue her dreams full time because her husband would be financially capable of ensuring all of the bills and then some are taken care of. Actually, she has that option now for the most part, but she CHOOSES to work in order to help us get certain goals accomplished way faster than I can presently do on my own. Her choosing to work is not me allowing her to work, so don’t mistake the concept of leadership for dictatorship. If it were completely up to me, my woman wouldn’t have to work at all. All of financial resources to do whatever with would be provided by me. Quite frankly, I don’t know of any real man who doesn’t think the same way. I don’t know of any woman looking for a real man who would find objection to that. Why? Because men are supposed to be providers. We are supposed to take care of the people we love & the woman we are in a relationship with. This is supposed to be naturally instilled in all men. So if me wanting to be the ultimate provider for my family as to where my wife can have the option to work or not makes me sexist & a misogynist…so be it. I’ll be that.
Stop letting Black women punk you on what it means to be a man. Stop letting these Black feminists & their male supporters along with those who share and/or support their ideologies redefine for you what it means to be a man. Stop letting these people make you feel bad or ashamed to step into your role as a leader, provider, & protector. Stop letting these people convince you that somehow exuding traits of manliness in terms of leading is a form of sexism or misogyny. Put your big boy pants on & lead. I guarantee if you step up to be the leader you were born to be, women will respect you & admire that quality in you. The only ones who will have an issue are the women who feel they should be the leader in their relationships. Like I’ve stated earlier, I’ve yet to encounter a single successful relationship where the woman wore the pants in that relationship. Not a single one in 30+ years of me being alive.
Now does this mean that you as a man should go into straight stereotypical patriarchy mode meaning, your word is law and you are treating your woman like she’s your property? Absolutely not. Is your woman your equal? Yes. But if you are truly about the business of being a man, you will not allow for your woman to carry the majority of the responsibility as to whether or not your relationship and/or shared goals fail or succeed. Put it this way, I don’t boss my wife around like she’s my child. My wife makes decisions every single day about what she feels is best for our family & 9 times out of 10 I roll with it because I trust her judgement (or else I would have never married her). I rarely if ever question her decisions as she rarely if ever question mines. But if a situation presented itself to where she may not be sure if the decision she is contemplating is the best move, then I will step in, evaluate the situation and make the final decision and we shall proceed together. Now has my wife done the same onto me? Of course, but my wife doesn’t expect to have to take on the role of being the final decision maker in our family. No woman looking for a real man wants that role. I don’t care what you read on the internet. Go find a successful longterm relationship between a man and a woman & then tell me how many men & women are comfortable with allowing their woman to be the final decision maker. It’s not many.
This message is not for men who believe that women & men are 100% equals in everything in life. This message is not for men who believe impregnating the most women is somehow a right of passage into manhood. This message is not for men who allow themselves to be bullied online by Black feminists or anybody who cosigns their way of thinking. This message is not for men who are looking to lay all up under a woman & have her provide for him as if this woman is his mother. This message is not for men who don’t have any real bills in their name like: mortgage/rent, car note, light bill, property taxes, Sally Mae…cellphones bills, child support bills, & rent ’em rims bills do not count. This message is not for men who put more pride in their Gucci belt & Jordan sneaker collection than building real assets. This message is not for men who are closing in on their 30s and beyond & are still trying to put out a mix tape to become the next hottest rapper. This message is not for men who mentally, emotionally, physically, or sexually abuse women. This message is not for men whose kids only see them once every blue moon. This message is not for men who honestly think that it is wrong to go against the opinion of Black women for fear of being labeled a “Black woman hater”. This message isn’t for you niggas at all.
You niggas can’t be helped until you recognize the error in your ways & I personally have no desire to help niggas out like you because quite frankly I have better shit to do with my time that can actually produce real results.
Too bad. You can be a Black feminist all you want & strive for Black women to be treated equally & fairly across the board, to which I have no issue with. But the moment you honestly think that you as a woman can develop & maintain a relationship with a man while you are in the driver’s seat, you’re only kidding yourself now. No real man is looking to be lead period. Receiving advice & guidance, sure…but being lead, no. If you do wind up with a man who accepts you in the role as the leader, more than likely you are dealing with the type of man I just outlined in the previous section. No real Black man looking to build with a Black woman is looking for a woman to play his position of leading, providing, & protecting. That is just not reality.