We are in an era where common sense and self-love are starting to be rarities, and a lot of people find solace and advice in what they see on TV, social media, books, etc. Now, I am not talking about everybody, but I see it more recently. I especially see it in women. (Maybe because I am a man that dates women…IJS.)
Remember when that one Steve Harvey book came out? Remember when women of all races started telling their dudes, side-dudes, potential dudes, etc. to wait 90 days until sex was a possibility after reading that book? Remember the Cosmopolitan articles that told women “how to keep a man”? How many have learned common sense dating advice from some meme, article, or TV show? I’m not saying that there isn’t any truth in these media…not at all. My issue is for those who don’t see into themselves, flaws as well as strengths, and put all men into those buckets without looking into the larger reality. Too much tunnel vision going on when I hear, “Real Men Do This…and…Real Men Do That”. I laugh at the crazy memes that basically say that “real women” have to play themselves in order to keep a man happy.
Recent events have brought this topic to the forefront of my mind. I can only offer my thoughts and opinions on the matter without throwing any hate or shade on those who have capitalized on the sea full of hurt and scorned women out there. I ain’t mad at cha. Shiii…supply and demand….supply and demand. I reiterate the problem with a lot of these memes, videos, etc. claiming to spew the truth; it is only part of the truth. There is an overwhelming lack of looking into ourselves and being honest with ourselves as well as taking what is applicable to you. These books, videos, etc. are not a “one size fits all” type of thing. They tend to be one-sided or worded to get the wanted response, sell something, get likes on Facebook, or get some draws. Your circumstances may be different from the girlfriend that sent you a website link, a meme, etc. Apply as appropriate and find your truth. I laugh at all these male bashing memes. LOL, I have never seen a meme that said that all men ain’t shit and telling ladies to respect and uplift their men at the same time. IJS….
Now, I am not perfect, and I have my flaws….but we ain’t talking about me…lol. We are talking about the phenomenon that has lately further poisoned the minds of some. Ladies, it isn’t all your fault. Trust me. We could talk about the Willie Lynch letters to the War on Drugs to the number of black men in prison to the rise of the feminist movement. What’s the point though? Do they all (possibly) have an effect on why you can’t find a man? Maybe…maybe not.
Ima just drop a few of my thoughts on the matter. I will probably get some “Amens” and some “Boos” for the same words that you are about to read…for those who do read them.
Ladies, love yourselves first.
One of the biggest issues that a lot of men see out there are woefully self-conscious and self-deprecating women. Ok, I hear you….”Some men made them that way”…or…”The right man didn’t make her feel worthy.” We all have some insecurities whether we know them or not…me included. Take your time being single to work on those insecurities so that you are better prepared to receive and love the right one that will either accept your supposed flaws or help you.
Having a man shouldn’t be the sole source of self-confidence. A man may be a boost of self-confidence, I guess. Have you tried to address your insecurities or have been honest with what makes you who you are? Have you made efforts to either work on bettering yourself or accept what you may not be able to change?
Ladies…yes, there are sorry ass men out there.
I like to debate the subject of who has it worse when it comes to dating in today’s society, men or women? I think men have it worse, but that is for another blog post. Anyway, I agree that a lot of males need to step up and become…men. Chivalry is damn near dead, and appreciation for gentlemen is declining. Mothers baby their sons, discipline isn’t the same when I was a kid, and society handicaps men (to an extent)…especially black men. There is some truth in all of that. Most cities, colleges, and work environments have a great disparity in ratio of men to women. I hear a lot of black women say…”Once you take away the men in jail, gay men, those who have a job….”. There are a lot of good men out there just like there are a lot of so-called sorry ass men out there. Ummm, what defines a good man vs. a sorry man ass anyway? That’s debatable.
Ladies, are you a queen?
Quoting only one definition, a queen is “the wife or consort of a king”. Before you beat me up about what defines a king, please continue reading. A phrase that I used to say years ago was, “I want a queen, but she has to be able to walk to the throne on her own.” What do I mean by that? When I say that I mean that a title like that isn’t given on just looks or sexual favors. It is not a title to be taken lightly. I am talking about regal being worthy of standing next to me as my equal or standing tall and strong without me at all.
I am not a historian, but there are queens that were able to step up and rule a kingdom while the king was away or unable to rule himself (they type of queen that I want). There are queens that ruled with just as much or more dignity and respect than the known kings. There are also queens in history that took on more subservient roles next to the powerful kings. So ladies ask yourself, are you truly a queen? With or without a “king”, the question means the same.
Ladies, stop giving these wack dudes some “you know what”.
I guess the new phrase is fuckboy or something like that. Yeah, there is a growing number of these lack of pride having, jelly spine, no-drive having, hating ass dudes out there. Got it. You know what though, someone is giving them “some”. LOL…why do you think that the Jheri Curl isn’t as popular? My theory is that women stopped playing into the fad and stopped giving cats with them any play. Now, we just need you to do the same with these new dudes wearing skinny jeans or wearing expensive Jordans with barely a pot to piss in, per se. Trust me, if nerds were the coolest in school, more men would emulate that. I am not knocking those who are not as academically capable, but I think you know what I am saying.
I saw a comedian say in some movie that I saw, “There is power in the booty.” Maybe, it is the instinctive hunting nature in men, but flossing, styling, and profiling most times has one goal – the attention and affection of women (and booty). I am being funny, but you know what I am saying.
In closing, there are many people that hated on the “Ayesha Currys” or “Steve Harveys” out there just like there are some that love them and the knowledge/advice/common sense that they spit. I’m just saying be real with yourself and don’t blindly follow them. Beware of those only trying to collect likes or get draws, but listen to those that spit some truth too. Apply appropriately and handle yourselves accordingly. There is no need to diss men if your shit ain’t together. Honestly, you can inversely say the same things about men that I said in this blog post about ladies by simply changing a few words. My solution?? Everybody work on being the best you that you can be, respect each other while loving yourself more, and take all of the advice and opinions on social media with a grain of salt…even mine.