My Top 10 New Year Resolutions
- File my income taxes as soon as possible so I can post my “BITCH I’M BALLING!” pictures on Instagram before everybody else.
- Go to the gym & spend more time in the mirror posing for selfies than actually working out. For dramatic effects, sprinkle some water on my face to mimic sweat.
- Go to Whole Foods once just for the bags so when I go grocery shopping in the future from Walmart, I can flex on Instagram that I’m about that healthy eating lifestyle by showing you my reused Whole Foods bags full of Walmart bought groceries.
- Publicly cosign every instance of temporary social media outrage immediately so I can show everyone that I’m down…but in reality, I probably don’t care. Example: IF YOU LISTEN TO R. KELLY’S MUSIC YOU ARE WRONG! (cosign) Reality: More than likely I’ll be playing my 12 Play, TP-2000, & Chocolate Factory albums this year.
- Start getting my travel game on by mastering the art of photoshop so I can superimpose my image over cool & exotic places most of you knee grows probably never knew existed till I posted it on Instagram.
- Dedicate more time to writing thought provoking articles on the Onyx Truth like my buddy Johnny Silvercloud. Probably not..well, maybe…we’ll see.
- Since 2015 was an epic year in the world of light skindedness…might as well keep the party going in 2016 with non stop unapologetic braggadocious reminders that Team Light Skin is in for the win.
- Take some time to call a truce to all of my haters/competition by continually putting my stats in their face about how much better my website & podcasts are compared to theirs.
- Tone down my topics of race relations to make white folks feel better about themselves….nah, I’m really lying now.
- To get my LIKES up, I’ll probably start liking my own status updates on social media to increase my sense of self-importance.
I hope your 2016 is just as wonderful!