Let me start with a disclaimer. I am not perfect, nor would I claim to be. As I have said before, we as humans are inherently stupid and I have made my share of dumb decisions. I would expect someone to say something if I was acting like any of these examples. That being said let us get started.
I want to talk about logic and common sense for a minute. This will cover a few domains but it should be easy to follow. Let us start with my addiction. The House of Iron, Arnold’s House, Heavy Metal Zen Palace; for those not tracking it is the gym. I love the gym. It is what keeps me level in the chaos known as life. When I go to the gym, I am there for one reason, to lift some heavy shit and get jacked. Simple enough. However, this is where it gets interesting. I don’t dress to impress here. Many people are the same. Then there is this.
This is where I lose my mind. Granted, this is extreme but we have all seen it. There is always that one person, or herd, that dresses like a Hustler model, or at least attempts to. These are known as peacocks. Then, to make it more entertaining, they pick a piece of equipment and “use” it gingerly all while making puppy dog eyes at any person that walks within sixty feet of them. Now, not only are they acting like fucking morons by intentionally distracting dudes or dudettes, they are also occupying equipment that someone, usually me, needs to use. The question that comes up here is, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?! Then, not only are you fucking up my feng shui, you act like a stuck up bitch when people stare at you. If you dress like you wanna be railed on the smith machine, then you had better expect to be ogled. In addition, let me clarify, guys are just as guilty of this also. Seriously, if you want to act like a whore, gender immaterial, go to some other public venue. The mall comes to mind. So let us move on to the more public venues.
When you leave your house, you have now entered into the public realm and you will be judged. For everything. Knowing this, it is safe to say that if you speak aloud someone is listening and they will evaluate what you say. Especially when you say dumb shit like, “I juss can seem to lose weight. I don know what I is doin wroung. Maybe I should ax my doctor about a lap belt.” Yes, I actually have heard crap like this. Yes, it sounded exactly like it is typed. Never mind the fact that the person saying it was pushing a shopping cart loaded with more preservatives and Little Debbie than what is currently located in most third world countries. So yes, I think I can figure out why you are a disgusting fat body. Maybe you should go to the gym and hang out with the peacocks.
I am a people watcher by nature. I will literally go to the mall just to watch the shenanigans that occur. My personal favorite is people who think that because they spent $300 on an Armani t-shirt they do not need to exercise common courtesy. I am a 6’2″ 195lb white guy. I am not small by any means (not large either). I know you can see me walking, with the flow of foot traffic might I add. Never mind that I am probably pushing a stroller or holding a child. Then, you have the gumption to ram into me and act as if I just shit on your dinner table while you were eating. This drives me batty. I can only do so much to avoid you as you barrel through the mall in an attempt to buy more overpriced clothing and stuff your fat face with Starbucks and Cinnabon. So do the world a favor and choke on an orange mocha Frappuccino.
Restaurants are another of my favorite. Two things here. Small restaurants (I will use Waffle House for this) tend to have limited seating, usually a few booths and then a bar of some sort. If you go in there by yourself or in a small group of adults, please use the bar. Don’t be a douche and use a booth when there is a person with a child that clearly can’t sit in the normal seats at the bar areas. Next, if you are at a place like McDonalds, yes there is a reasonable expectation of instant gratification. However, in a normal restaurant where the food is cooked and not microwaved, please be patient. Having worked in the food service realm, I understand that it is a bit hectic. However, most states, and countries for that matter, have laws that require food to be cooked. If you didn’t know this, cooking takes a few minutes. Per person. The line cooks are doing the best they can. Usually. If the food is not coming out as fast as you want, don’t be an asshole to the wait staff. They can only do so much. Usually, they are not even allowed into the kitchen area. It is not their job. They are just the intermediary. Also, remember, they are the last person to contact your plate before you get it. So if you act like a miscreant, please expect to have something horrible happen to your food.