So, as the title states, these are lessons learned for buying a house. Why you ask? Because it is one of those things I feel everyone should consider before committing to such a big investment.
1. NEVER buy a house that does not have a yard full of grass. The heartache and money involved in trying to grow grass is tremendous. Make sure it is included in the deal.
2. Granite….really sucks. It looks pretty but it is a giant pain in the ass for maintenance. Sealing, cleaning, removing stains because it is pourous….you get the point.
3. Never buy a house with completely carpeted stairs. ESPECIALLY if you own a herd of animals…like alpacas…or dogs and cats.
4. If you can avoid it, never buy a BRAND new house….unless its built to your specs. This is important. New homes have to settle, which creates heartache when you realize that you now have to deal with drywall nails trying to escape and seams cracking. Plus, older houses are generally built better.
5. NEVER buy a “stick built” house. It sounds fancy and inexpensive, but what it really means is it is literally built with sticks. Literally. Just let that sink in. Ironically, this form of construction tends to be popular in areas that seem to be popular with…wait for it….termites.
6. Lastly, avoid Home Owners Associations like the plague. Better yet, avoid them like most people avoid erupting volcanoes. They will eat your soul and make you want to punch baby otters in the face. These gems of modern society make owning your house ridiculous. For instance, making you pay extra money….yearly….FOR THE HOUSE YOU ALREADY FUCKING OWN! Why do they do it? To help pay for things like…..flowers at the entrance to your neighborhood, or insurance….FOR THE DAMN SIDEWALKS! Last I checked you are a damn human. If you can’t walk on a sidewalk without getting hurt, fuck you, you deserve to get hit by a car anyway. Not my fault you got outsmarted by Darwin.
Feel free to add any you can think of.